[Notdamooma]

I told my husband that I was feeling anxious and agitated yesterday and he gives me money to go shopping. I am bipolar, bpsd, dependent disorder and dealing with sever abandonment issues. Does this seem like a normal response to you that he made or does he just not get it. I needed maybe something other than a new obsession (shopping) to help me deal. Any responses would be appreciated. How do I get him to get it.

[shezbut]

Your description of events does sound peculiar to me.
Have you frequently asked your hub for money before, and perhaps he was assuming that your relief from the emotions would be shopping? That's the only reason I can think of that makes some sense. It isn't helpful to you or healthy for your marriage to go through, regardless of reasoning.

You should try talking with hub about the event. Explain that you are confused by him giving you money. Your anxiety and high tension aren't relieved by $$. You need an open ear and reassurring words instead. If your anxiety and tension were relieved by shopping, you can tell him that too. However, needing to shop wasn't the problem. The problem was ____. You need ____ to feel more secure and loved.

Can he help you get through tough times , like those, by not enabling you (by giving you money, drinks, drugs, etc.). Rather, give you a hug and some reassurring words to fall back on in those tough times.

Best wishes to you both. It isn't an easy road. But, it's a lot easier when we stick together and support one another throughout.

[Notdamooma]

Thank you shezbut for your reply. I have tried talking to him but after 30 years of treating me this way and not knowing it was bp and a whole lot of other disorders making me act this way, he has kind of a thick head understanding this stuff. I am still learning myself. I guess the hardest part is forgiveness from others and myself for my behavior these past years.