[PityPartyof1]

I met an MLB coach almost one year ago and we began seeing each other. Meeting wasn't casual or serious. It was more like if he came to town for a game, we would meet and we eventually hooked up. (After about the seventh meeting.) At first I was ok with this. Now, I'm not and for several reasons which I can't seem to fit together. I remember vaguely conversating about what I wanted (the second time we met) but I don't remember him telling me what he wanted, etc... In fact, I don't think the line was ever drawn. Needless to say I developed feelings about this person even though I don't want a relationship. Everytime he came to town, or I there, I wanted to see him again. After the time we hooked up he said he wanted to take me out on a "real date". I'm an analytical thinker. He said this AFTER we hooked up, not prior. But then he disappeared. And our communication has changed a lot.

I've been going through a lot this year. More than I'd like to admit handling but somehow I've managed a quick comeback. I've attempted to push him away to protect my feelings (and my heart; how vain right?!) but I can't make up my mind.

But the bottome line, and also where I'm confused, is about one month ago I was on the MLB network and noticed a link to a wedding registry with his name. Shocked, I clicked on it. I decided it was possible that it was nothing more than a mere coincidence or spam advertised on the web. But not having been able to rid myself of the possibility, other reasons and the fact that we nearly ceased communication, I checked back several days later only to find a county bulletin that he and someone applied for a marriage certificate/license (is there a difference?). When I asked him, he adamantly denied. When I went to the county website directly, I couldn't locate an actual license. Now, I can analyze this til I drive everyone crazy talking about it but the facts I present are not coincidence in my eyes: the girl is the sister of someone he has played baseball with on another team, and no one else happens to have his full name including middle and is born in the same city. The dilemma then, is whether or not I really saw a valid bulletin or if it too was spam. How can I see a county bulletin of marriage certificate applications but not the real certificate listed directly on the county clerk's public records? He still claims that he's not married. OK. Maybe he's not, maybe he's engaged and applied for a license until the wedding occurs? Who the heck knows these things....could someone kindly offer some input. Maybe you'll see something I've missed...or see what I see but I can't admit or accept it? I just need a definitive answer so I can close this chapter and allow myself to open a new one.

[alwaysrejoice]

I dunno, even before you saw the license thing you were having doubts/confusion about his intentions and you were not sure if he wanted what you want. Then you see this thing that is another issue. I can't understand why you think it might be spam or not real or something. Was there anything about what you saw to imply it could be something false? I'd say forget it too much drama.

[PityPartyof1]

I thought it was spam because now in order to view the link you must be a subscriber since it's past seven days and the bulletin is now archived. It was a situation where I saw the link once and when I went back twice it wasn't there. I thought maybe my eyes wanted to see what they wanted to see, get my drift?