[mynameisjonas]

I have a dear friend who has BPD. Every so often, he'll give me the silent treatment after we have an argument about something. This usually lasts about two or three weeks and then everything goes back to normal. My question is, how should I act when he gives me the silent treatment? In the past, I've just continued talking to him like usual. I say hello and ask how he's doing, but I get the impression this just annoys him. I was thinking about not saying anything to him, but I'm concerned that he'll interpret this like I'm the one giving him the silent treatment, and I don't want him to feel like I'm abandoning him. Does anyone have advice for dealing with this situation?

[Leed]

Since talking to him gives you the impression that it upsets him, I think I'd just let him alone and let him "stew" for awhile. Obviously that's how he handles things -- by being silent. So just leave him alone until he decides he wants to talk again. OR you can wait the usual 2-3 weeks, and THEN contact him.

I would think that by continuing to talk to him while he's being silent to YOU, that it would be upsetting to you, right? So why put yourself thru that?

Just let him get over his snit -- he'll come around. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[Perna]

I am not sure what you mean by BP and BPD; they mean different things on this site and there are two forums here, one for each.

The silent treatment is not exclusive to a particular (or any) disorder; many people engage in this behavior for several different reasons. I would discuss the issue with your friend, explaining how you feel when around their behavior; they are probably not aware, thinking one thing (about themselves and how they feel) when the effect on you might be another.

http://elyntromey.com/therapyblog/?p=78

[StrongerMan]

This is unacceptable behavior in an adult. There must be consequences for bad behavior otherwise we are part of the problem. These people have to understand that things will not simply return to normal as if nothing happened when they decide to communicate properly again. I would write them a simple note stating you are waiting for them and the first thing you will discuss is how they are going to stop this rude and childish behavior. My ex gf used to tell me she did this because it kept her from saying things she'd regret (in response to some imagined slight). From the get go I did not reward her for this by begging for forgiveness for something I didn't say or do. She did not stop, and guess what? She did not get a ring from me.