[tinathatcher]

I have been with my partner for almost 2 years now. We just recently got married to each other(not legal but a spiritual marriage, being lesbian and all). We have had a myriad of issues and have made it through most, and am still working on the others, but it keeps constantly coming back to one issue.. sex.. She says that i don't "interest" her, and that her mind is wondering. She says that I don't try at all. That i don't initiate often enough (if ever). That when we do "do it" its awkward and not fun. She says a lot of other things too. I would rather not share. I feel like the sex is awesome, when we have it, but it seems to not happen very much.

It is true i haven't felt like doing it lately, i admit to not initiating enough. But i do try. My efforts are not enough, or not right. I feel like it doesn't matter what i do. Any suggestions? Advice? I do not know what to do or try, and i am tired of thinking that this will resolve itself , because it isn't. I need to try something.

[Leed]

It might not hurt to talk with your doctor -- if sex doesn't "interest" you much, then there might be a medical reason for it.

Perhaps counseling would help too. There could be some deep-seated issues regarding sex that you aren't aware of, and that counseling can help identify.

Her remark that "you don't interest her" seems very cruel. If that's true, why is she still with you?

I hope you two can work this out. It CAN be a major problem in a relationship. God bless & please take care. Hugs Lee

[Tosspot]

I agree her not "interested" in you is mean. I don't know your relationship at all but in my own my boyfriend said that since I've gained weight he's not as attracted to me and I was totally offended but after discussing it later he only said it to be hurtful because I had said something that hurt him. I am in individual therapy to work out my own sex issues but my boyfriend and I are also in couples therapy to help us communicate better and it has been amazing. My other problem is that i have no sex drive which makes initiating sex more of a chore than a connection. I have been drinking damiana tea for a few weeks as a last resort and I believe its starting to work. (I am having frequent/almost nightly sex dreams) so subconciously something is working.

I wish the best for you and your partner!

[tinathatcher]

Thank you both.
We have been going to her therapist together, and have been working things out. My partner has told me that she doesn't mean the things she says, there are deeper issues with this then just the sex..like her bipolar... But her therapist thinks i have extreme depression which may have something to do with the not wanting sex..