[careless_realist]

My "Aha!" moment rant:

My mind has been a bit everywhere today...but it traveled back to the guy I was talking to before I met my boyfriend. We only dated for three weeks but I have to say those were quite deeply impressing weeks. While I love my boyfriend, I do go to those memories often mainly because of one main difference....with my bf we talk so rarely but with him(the other guy) there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't talk to him, both on the phone and through text. I didn't have time to let my wondering mind wonder (I'm a very quite person so I think a lot in general).

When he and I were dating he gave me that "only girl in the world feeling" and he voiced it the same. Only from day one we walked and talked outside for hours like from 9pm til almost 4am about our lives and relationships and we both agreed to have things at a almost 'friends with benefits' level but then we started spending every night together and talking more and more from open eyes to bedtime. on his way to, during, and after work or wherever then we'd meet up and hang out until late/early hours. Every so often when he were talking he'd ask me if I were jealous (like one time when he was at his friend's place and there was a girl there he said "was cute but annoying") but I'd always tell him playfully tell him no, even though I would be a little bit, (and he'd respond by laughing and saying how adorable it was that I was getting all jealous and that I should know that I'm the only girl on his mind.) but I didn't want to cross that line and ruin anything as I enjoyed the attention and I simply enjoyed him. I read though an old convo we had had and saw where I completely messed up....see after us dating and when we were both in a relationship he told me how her admitting to being a little jealous was what made him know she liked him and he saw it as cute because as he said if you're not even a little jealous then you don't care, that it's nice to know that someone is even little bit and he felt the same towards her. So basically I wasn't jealous enough well didn't express it nor the pure desire for him to be only mines...

Overall, while I see that one thing could've Possibly changed the out of his and I's relationship (we're just close friends now btw) I think things worked out just as they should have because the girl he is with now is awesome, like almost scary perfect for him and they match so well. Besides honestly I know I couldn't have given him what he were looking for in a relationship though I could have shown him something different.

I guess I just miss someone calling me or texting me asking to call me just so they can tell me about their day, something that happened to them, to rant about random things like why the heck is ex keeps texting him about bullcrap, or just something that's on his mind that maybe bothering him...I miss having that connection with someone...simply just to talk to me and hear my voice, engaging me in conversation....almost like a best friend but on that intimate level...*heavy.sigh*