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Old Dec 13, 2011, 07:20 PM
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FloatLikeAButterfly FloatLikeAButterfly is offline
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My mom is ill and has been most of my life (im 15). I have had to wipe her, get her food, bathe her, and take care of her......but i think that has left me without anyone to care for me. Im fifteen and time is running out for me to get the motherly attention i crave.

In school, ever since i was in third grade i have searched for mother figures. Most the time they were my strong, independent, beautiful, intelligent teachers who looked after me.

Most the time, as the years progress my teachers and i have moved on from eachother- and it's realllly hard. Its horrible to get so close to someone then have them "replaced" or never to see them,- to grow
apart....and i happens almost yearly- now per semester.

I am really terrified about this happeneding again. This year i am really close to my one teacher, i tell her just about everythingg. I look up and admire her so much- i even wish she was my mother, and that i was her daughter. My heart skips when i see her smiling at me in the hall, and when i am around her i feel such love and secureness it makes me feel whole- it isnt weird or anything....actually its nurturing i guess.

The semester is changeing and i wont see her as much, if at all, and talking through e-mail isnt the same.....i cant lose another one of my role models- expesially not this one. I think this time i'll go crazy.....but regardless i still feel crazy- this doesnt happen to my peers. I know feeling this is inappropriate, i mean teachers are there to teach not to parent....but i can't help how i feel- ive tried to stop and not open my heart, to not let this happen but i cant, maybe i need it.. id ont know. I feel so bad about it....
i also posted this under school issues.....didnt know where it falls.

Any feedback or advice will be highly appreciated.

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  #2  
Old Dec 13, 2011, 07:40 PM
loveslife8 loveslife8 is offline
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Location: winona ohio
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YOu are normal! You have done a great job finding role models for yourself and getting the nurturing you need. You are becoming a fine woman and this is an especially difficult time in any young woman's life- but even more so for you with these circumstances. Have you asked this teacher if you could meet with here during study hall? Or maybe for 20 min after school? Even if this does not work out- you are a strong and creative young woman who continues to reach out to others. Please keep us posted. This is going to be a difficult holiday for you. Here's a hug from a new empty-nester mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by FloatLikeAButterfly View Post

My mom is ill and has been most of my life (im 15). I have had to wipe her, get her food, bathe her, and take care of her......but i think that has left me without anyone to care for me. Im fifteen and time is running out for me to get the motherly attention i crave.

In school, ever since i was in third grade i have searched for mother figures. Most the time they were my strong, independent, beautiful, intelligent teachers who looked after me.

Most the time, as the years progress my teachers and i have moved on from eachother- and it's realllly hard. Its horrible to get so close to someone then have them "replaced" or never to see them,- to grow
apart....and i happens almost yearly- now per semester.

I am really terrified about this happeneding again. This year i am really close to my one teacher, i tell her just about everythingg. I look up and admire her so much- i even wish she was my mother, and that i was her daughter. My heart skips when i see her smiling at me in the hall, and when i am around her i feel such love and secureness it makes me feel whole- it isnt weird or anything....actually its nurturing i guess.

The semester is changeing and i wont see her as much, if at all, and talking through e-mail isnt the same.....i cant lose another one of my role models- expesially not this one. I think this time i'll go crazy.....but regardless i still feel crazy- this doesnt happen to my peers. I know feeling this is inappropriate, i mean teachers are there to teach not to parent....but i can't help how i feel- ive tried to stop and not open my heart, to not let this happen but i cant, maybe i need it.. id ont know. I feel so bad about it....
i also posted this under school issues.....didnt know where it falls.

Any feedback or advice will be highly appreciated.
Hugs from:
FloatLikeAButterfly
Thanks for this!
FloatLikeAButterfly, Open Eyes
  #3  
Old Dec 13, 2011, 08:34 PM
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FloatLikeAButterfly FloatLikeAButterfly is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loveslife8 View Post
YOu are normal! You have done a great job finding role models for yourself and getting the nurturing you need. You are becoming a fine woman and this is an especially difficult time in any young woman's life- but even more so for you with these circumstances. Have you asked this teacher if you could meet with here during study hall? Or maybe for 20 min after school? Even if this does not work out- you are a strong and creative young woman who continues to reach out to others. Please keep us posted. This is going to be a difficult holiday for you. Here's a hug from a new empty-nester mom
Thank you so much!
I should talk to her about this, thank you- you made me feel so good about myself and more importantly normal. That means alot, thanks for the reply
Hugs from:
Open Eyes, tattoogirl33
  #4  
Old Dec 14, 2011, 07:40 PM
loveslife8 loveslife8 is offline
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How are you tonight? Do you have something to look forward to over the weekend?
  #5  
Old Dec 15, 2011, 04:03 PM
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FloatLikeAButterfly FloatLikeAButterfly is offline
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Actually i really need to talk to my teacher right now, haha go figure. I just hope i dont bumm her out too much- i normally do ):
but my birthday is this weekend....not looking forward to that.....
thanks for asking- i hope everything is good for you
  #6  
Old Dec 16, 2011, 08:24 PM
loveslife8 loveslife8 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FloatLikeAButterfly View Post
Actually i really need to talk to my teacher right now, haha go figure. I just hope i dont bumm her out too much- i normally do ):
but my birthday is this weekend....not looking forward to that.....
thanks for asking- i hope everything is good for you
things are ok. I did not go to work at all this week. My doc changed my meds ( again) but my daughter came home from san diego- that's helped some. she got me off the couch anyway. hoping for good things for you has been helpful too.

happy birthday!! a christmas baby- how special! will you turn sweet 16? if you could do anything for your birthday- anything in the world- what would make a great birthday for you?
  #7  
Old Dec 16, 2011, 08:48 PM
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Hey there, FloatLikeAButterfly. Before I forget, let me say I agree with everything loveslife8 has said about you. You are normal. You are, though, amazing for your age--to have taken care of your mom & done so well for yourself as well.

I'm not sure what's permitted these days in this mixed-up world, but I had a very ill dad my world was largely determined by when I was your age. In 8th grade, I had an algebra teacher whom I found I could talk with. She was really the only one. We became friends. I let her know, when I went on to high school, that I didn't want to lose her from my life.

This spring, she & I met for dinner to celebrate our birthdays, which are just eight days apart. I was 65, she was 85. And I can still tell her everything.

So, please, tell your teacher how you feel. If there's a way to work something out to help you, I'm betting she will.
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Thanks for this!
FloatLikeAButterfly, Open Eyes
  #8  
Old Dec 16, 2011, 11:14 PM
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dominique_ dominique_ is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2011
Posts: 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by FloatLikeAButterfly View Post
Actually i really need to talk to my teacher right now, haha go figure. I just hope i dont bumm her out too much- i normally do ):
but my birthday is this weekend....not looking forward to that.....
thanks for asking- i hope everything is good for you
Happy Birthday!
I have had teachers that I really look forward to speaking with. In highschool when I was really troubled my art teacher and english teacher took me under their wings. However, I have a mother who is highly functional. I can't imagine what it must have been to care for her like you do/and have. Remember you have to make time for yourself. You can be a good daughter without being there everysecond. You have to take care of yourself and pursue your own goals. I do not mean turn your back on your family. There is a healthy balance. Also with teachers they can sometimes become over involved with students. And sometimes students can become overly involved with teachers and other role models. A role model teacher/ professor should not be a maternal figure ( mom replacement). I think its good you recognize your tendencies. Its important to keep your boundaries too- otherwise like you said you will keep falling into the same abandonment scenario.
To love we must first love ourselves. We have to look deep into ourselves and dig down our roots and find our inner strength. I had to realize that no one will take care of me better than me

best of luck!
Hugs from:
FloatLikeAButterfly
Thanks for this!
FloatLikeAButterfly
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