I feel like I'm doomed to be a single mother forever

I have only had relationships that were roller coasters and always end terribly. I know a big part is my mood swings and how easily I can slip in and out of them.....but I have been really trying to change that from now on. I have been single for8 months. It's enjoyable at times, but as a single mother of a 22 month old....I am really ready to have a family....or even witness possible potential in anyone.....Now that I feel I am emotionally stable to have a relationship.....there are seriously no men who want to settle. They are all bachelores it seems..... I don't even know what kind of men to be attracted to anymore b/c I have literally dated every kind! I'm almost scared now that I have some radar that screams to men "Stay away!" .....I'm just losing hope and I suppose now that the Holidays are here I'm really thinking about it. I don't want to keep being alone with my baby on New Year's Eve......Any inspiration people? :-/

I think we project what we carry on the back burners of our hearts & minds. Your "film" is "WANT HUSBAND/DADDY!!!!!!!!!!"

For a man that can instantly translate as:
Needy
Money
Responsibility
Needy
Needy
Money

As a longterm proposition, I imagine you'd scare guys off.

Sorry to be so blunt, but I see this all the time. Relax. Stay in the present. Just take care of now. If your nows are full, rich, satisfying then what follow probably will be more of the same.

Does that make sense?

I understand fully! But I actually don't think I come off that way anymore. I am not trying at all to meet anyone.....I'm just letting life happen, but I feel like......the small town i live in and just being branded as a single mom says that without me even speaking

I figured I'd respond to your post and give you a mans point of view so I hope this helps somewhat.

If you have had problems with previous men in your relationships it's probably because you were with the wrong guys to start with. If a guy can't handle your 'roller coaster' emotions then he just isn't the best match for you. It isn't that you have a "stay away" radar on but for MOST guys that have no children they are usually wary of getting into a relationship with a woman that has a child already usually because they are scared. I think you should date a guy and get to know him and take it slow and let him get to know you, then once you feel confident with him you should introduce your baby to him and again take it slow and make sure you find the right person.

The last thing you want to do is rush everything just to "have" some guy that isn't the best match for you and your baby and end up regretting it years into the future.

I hope everything works out for you, take care.

***Waves*** Hi Dusty....I think that this is good advice...Don't be hard on yourself...Sounds like you were either with the wrong type of guys (since they couldn't handle some of the things that make you YOU) or it just wasn't the right time...And you have to look at it from a stand point that you have a child...SOME people view this as baggage...I hate the word "baggage" when it comes to kids...I'm a mom, and if I were single and dating, a dude could kick rocks if he didn't want me because I have a child...Either you take all of me or nothing...Having a child can scare men off....And that's not said to discourage you...I actually think this is a good thing...If a guy accepts you, child or not, that shows you that is he really in it for the right reason...

Be selective when it comes to mates...Do not settle just because you don't want to be alone...You don't want just anyone around your child....

Be patient...It (relationship) will happen...And I reeealllly hate to use this saying but I will...He will come when you least expect...It's true...When I stopped stressing and looking, and just focused on me, THAT'S when it happened....That's when I met Him...Stay focused and determined..The right one will see your positive qualities, and even deal with your moods...It's possible for it to work...Good luck!

Edit: And don't feel bad...It does seem like it's more of the norm for guys to be "bachelors" or not looking to settle down..Even the older ones....Well, I shouldn't say "norm"...But I have noticed, when I go out, that alot of times it seems like no one is looking for something real...But there are some good ones out there....

I will tell you what I did, it won't work for everybody. I was a single Mom of a daughter and I joined a small church. I've never been super into religion, it was more about the fellowship with others. There were a few other single mother's there and we had a group and would provide support and encouragement for each other. As she got older she joined youth group and there were good male role models for her as she had none-and she learned what a good man should be, and she made friends with good people. I met someone kind, gentle and loving, and then got married. Give it a try?

Relationships are not "things" that can be ordered up or bought in a grocery store, like Progressive or Allstate Insurance? You don't want to choose just "anyone" because they want to settle down?

In my opinion, knowing who you are and who the person is you date, as individuals, is the most important part of making a relationship work. Getting to know another (assuming you know yourself well already) takes time and a lot of work, lots of conversations and observation of present behaviors and learning about past ones. Speed dating where one of the questions is, "Do you want to settle down?" isn't going to do it?

I was a single mom for 13+ years. It wasn't easy but it's been very rewarding.

I dated a LOT of men during that time. And yeah, it was hard because I wanted to settle down as well. I eventually gave that up and focused on taking care of myself and being the best parent for my kid. I started dating men again just so we can go out and do things together, things we had in common. And that is how I met my current husband. Didn't expect it but I'm glad things worked out the way they did. We had more in common than I had with most men, and it made his transition into being a stepdad easier since we're on the same page most of the time. It did take getting to know him, though-- we dated for over a year before he proposed.

Your experience may vary, of course. But for me, I got involved in single parent groups and also into groups that I had common interests with--not to look for anyone but to enjoy doing things both with and without my kid. It helps to know parents in the same situation as you as well. I don't know what's near you but you can look into organizations like Parents Without Partners to see what is close by. Also look into Meetup for single parent groups and groups with interests you may enjoy. Again, you may not meet your future mate but you won't be alone and you might have some fun.

Don't know if this will help but I do hope that you have a wonderful experience with your child. Good luck!

best advice

I have been on my own for going on five years, so I understand how hard and lonely sometimes and I also understand that sometimes it hard to know who to be attracted to sometimes also. Its hard to find people that you can trust with your kids, but its very important to be safe for our children. Which is what I decided to do...I can't be too careful and I don't want to be alone forever either, but I think the key is learning yourself and by that knowing what you want and looking for that. THat's where I started, and now that I know more of what I want, I can trust myself to go out and find it. Just be strong and hold on to what you have NOW....That's what I'm doing, and I'm happier now than I have been in a long time. It may not be the easiest road sometimes, but its working for now and don't get discouraged....the RIGHT person is out there. Good Luck, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year....keep your head up...

I am a single mother of three. When I divorced my kids were 5,4, and almost 3 years old. It was an extremely abusive relationship that ended with women shelters, loosing all my belongings and home, and pressing charges. So no doubt by the end I was disscouraged in men, had no self esteem, and no sense of self. After a while I tried dating a bit. It was hard, akward and again disappointing.

So, I went to some intensive therapy to work on myself, figure out who I am, where I am going, and what I need and want. I worked on rebuilding my life with my kids and right when things were really starting to go good for me, that's when it happened. It happened after I was content with my life, had good self esteem in tact, and knew exactly who I was, and loved who I was, and knew exactly what I wanted. And then he just showed up in my life. We took things pretty slow. We've been together for 6 years and we live apart. We switch off staying at each others homes almost every night. Not ideal for some, but for our situation mostly my finances it works. We are working towards moving in together. We hardly ever fight, except for small arguments. It's a very healthy relationship. He has never been married and does not have children. So it's been a learning curve for us both. He can handle my bipolar even when it comes to hospitalization.

So just an example that there are good men out there who will want to be with you, and be a part of your baby's life, and be able to handle your moods and emotions. It really is just all timing. I beleive that. If had I met my boyfriend sooner I would not have been able to handle the relationship at all.

Just work on yourself, know that you are worthy, know that you are all that you really "need", but know that what you "want" you will have, when you are ready to receive.