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  #1  
Old Feb 09, 2006, 01:20 AM
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CedarS CedarS is offline
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I have this boomerang effect I struggle with when it comes to relationships with other people. When I disclose something about myself, I often immediately afterwards feel like I am bad. That I am bad and stupid, that I said too much, and that I am unsafe.

My intelligent mind then unfortunately can intelligently drive me bats with wonderings. I wonder if I said too much, if I breached boundaries, if I drove someone away.

So, first thing, I am working on being aware of this, of when I do it. I've been a lot more social lately and when appropriate, some info about my mental and physical health challenges has been shared. So far the only person who gives me a bad time is me.
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  #2  
Old Feb 09, 2006, 05:46 AM
funnygirl funnygirl is offline
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Hi SarahL

Yes, it's the same with me. I'm OK in my job dealing with people as I'm sure of my ground, but it's in my social life when I get paranoid. Well, it's afterwards, really, when I tend to go over and over conversations, what I said, did I say too much, did I laugh too much, was I too vivacious or, indeed, too quiet, did they look at me askance, were they talking about me afterwards. I sometimes go through agonies of doubt. But, at the same time, I do realise it's all in my mind and, even if it isn't, what the hell, does it matter?

We must learn to simply relax in company, but at the same time, perhaps wouldn't want to confide too much (especially about our state of mind), then we hopefully won't have these self-recriminations afterwards. Does that make sense?

All best wishes, FG
  #3  
Old Feb 09, 2006, 06:01 AM
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Myzen Myzen is offline
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Hi Sarah,

Yes, I know this feeling. IMHO it is a part of the problem of self criticism that comes with anxiety. As soon as we have said something we quickly mentally check it to see whether was acceptable to the other person. We spend our time self censoring! The bottom line is that we are afraid that we will be judged as bad or mad, whichever we fear most. The anxiety will always lock onto our worst fears.

As a reality check I think of the many people I have known who have been downright rude to others and yet still did very well for themselves, both in work and socially. Maybe they get on well because they just don't care? It's a kind of self confidence whch anxious people always seem to lack.

On top of this, once we start thinking that we have the 'guilty secret' of a mental illness, then the anxiety seems to close in on us.

My own strategy for this is to be very nice to everyone I meet in 3d, but as you folks know, that gets me into situations I don't really want.

I guess we are just over sensitive to rejection (for whatever reason).

You have done really well to get out there and share some of your stuff, and risk the reactions. You did good, Sarah!

Good thoughts. M

PS - Just spotted your post, funnygirl. I agree with you about the confiding.
  #4  
Old Feb 09, 2006, 03:44 PM
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CedarS CedarS is offline
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Makes perfect sense.

I know too that a lot of my reaction comes from being abused as a child, along with that came the message that to tell anyone anything could put me in danger. So it can be a tangled knot of past and present for me at times.
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Old Feb 09, 2006, 03:45 PM
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CedarS CedarS is offline
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Maybe I can figure out something else for my chorus of inner self critics. Can't they go off and cure cancer or something? The Boomerang Much more productive than singing doom songs to me.
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  #6  
Old Feb 09, 2006, 03:56 PM
funnygirl funnygirl is offline
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Hi Sarah

Yes, I know what you mean. I always wonder why I think my feelings are so important. Why do I contemplate my navel - Why can't I worry about bigger problems, global problems, instead of on my own self-esteem and what people think of me - who gives a fig anyway? And how shallow it is to concentrate on my own feelings to that extent. I am very guilty of that. But of course it is a mental condition which we cannot help and can only do our best to control.

As Myzen so rightly said, we see other people being really offhand or even rude and no-one thinks any the worse of them, whilst we do our best to be liked by everyone. Mad, isn't it?

Hope this helps, we're all in it together for one reason or another.

FG
  #7  
Old Feb 09, 2006, 07:05 PM
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I understand this one.

The Boomerang((((((((((Sarah))))))))))) The Boomerang
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