[kroniqu3]

im 25 and i actually grow to resent them the more i get older. tbh this is really confusing

i was staying with my sisters, tbh got along really well the first weak and then my sis sarah left and my other sis came back from a trip. we got into a huge fight over her having her rent paid and her paying all her money to keep a horse. i dont have a job right now and im in school studying and i know its not ideal but i cant find a job. anyway she eventually got all melodramatic and called the cops on me

i have been a scapegoat in my family a lot. tbh they are kind of dysfunctional. no REALLY dysfunctional. my mom hoards dogs and stuff in her house and i cant stay there, im afraid to go there to see what its like. She needs help. my sisters can be kinda selfish but we were all raised that way. i dont want to be though and i dont need a lot to be happy. but my dad is a spacecase and off with his new wife and didnt see us for xmas and all this is just saddening.

well i always thought i was a monster of a person before i got a therapist when i was 23, because i was angry at my family

im not sure if im a horrible person maybe i am ungrateful
i mean i wasn't poor or anything, i just always felt insecure with them. i i didnt feel normal. i hated living in a really dirty house growing up. no matter how much you clean its not enough.

i know i can be angry

but i dont know wtf to do but just be angry
and i cant say anything or im ungrateful

well its true i didnt grow up poor and i have good things, but i dont want things i want people who dont tear me down. they just hold "money" over your head anyway

because i've never been able to do anything right for them it feels like. i tell my therapist this kind of stuff and i tell her how we all fight. my sisters and mom deny the fact that they are hard to live with. they tell me im the one thats hard to live with.

which is why i moved out.
but i just dont want to talk to them anymore. i dont care either. i've learned to be alone and survive. well i have friends but not as many anymore because i left the city. but i had social anxiety and was avoidant growing up a lot (going away now YAY). but tbh ive always felt really alone and today i feel SUPER alone

i know i fight. they fiight. we all fight. but they deny the fact that they fight and that they dont listen to me when i have problems adapting, and i cant deal with at thing

am i wrong to resent them and be angry.. am i ungrateful
i dont resent my dad really. i guess im really just angry at my mom. my dad never tore me down the way she did. he never manipulated me, or guilt tripped me for EVERYTHING

i tell my therapist but i think she tells me what i want to hear

[Severijn]

hi kroniqu.

I don't think it has to do with your adopted family. Many people who are not adopted also go through problems with their family.

Anyway, I've learned that people don't easily change. If you dislike people, and they are not going to change, you better move on with your life.

Find a place of your own, do everything you can to overcome your social anxiety (read a lot of good self-help books and put them into practice). Build your own group of friends. I don't think your mother is going to change, mine didn't at least.

Look forward to a better life on your own with your own friends, without constant worries about your family.

[Perna]

There's no right or wrong way to feel; you feel what you feel! It would be nice if your family were all friendly and helpful but they are not, they are struggling with issues of their own.

Now you are older, you have to get a place of your own somehow and figure out how to live your own life without hoping they'll change and make room for you in theirs.

Or, you do the best you can in theirs; not confront other people in their own space (if it is your sisters' apartment, one of them not paying the rent means they lose a place to stay and, since it is their responsibility, they're allowed to mess up their own lives by putting horses before roofs over their head all they want and unless your name is on the lease, you don't really get a say?) and pull your weight toward expenses and chores.