[Belle1979]

Hey all,

Its been a long long time since I posted and more than anything I am using this as a sounding board I guess.

After all the heart break with my ex I have found myself a FWB/toyboy and have been seeing him for the past 12 months. I had issues with his young age and from the start insisted that there could be nothing more than what I wanted - which was purely sex.

Anyway 12 months down the track and a few "break ups" where I deleted him from my phone and didn't want to see him as I NEED to change/move forward and find someone that I can love, we are still seeing each other. He is the most emotionally distant guy I have ever met when he is not around me, when he is with me he is clingy and cuddly and I love him.

I have totally and utterly fallen for what i know can only hurt me - him.

We have recently had a scare that i may be pregnant. He came to the party with all of the brilliant things i wanted to hear.... except that it all only applies if I am pregnant... If i am not pregnant then he wants it all to stay the same, "at least for a few years until I finish my second degree" are his words/thoughts.

The part I find strange is the following thins he said;
"I have thought a few times that I wanted to have kids with you"
"I have gotten myself a great catch you are genuinly a good catch"
"Be prepared to have a heck of a mortgage again now"
"Its just moving everything forward a few years, not the best way for it to happen but it is what it is"
"i will never abandon you, ever"

Not sure what advice I want here...

We have done two pregnancy tests, one came back positive and the other negative... going to give it a few more days and do another.

Am I right that my rational brain says forget him? Or do I continue to follow my heart which is already aching?

[Feiticeira]

If you're worried about the age difference, love transcends age.

I'm not sure which you should follow, head or heart? In matters of love, probably love. But if you're too afraid of being hurt, best to follow your head. Even successful relationships have moments of deep, unrelenting pain. But if you never open yourself up then you won't be able to experience the joy and euphoria that goes with being in love either.

In the end it's your choice, and I wish you luck, hun!

[Belle1979]

I don't think he wants more than what I have created now... He gets the benefits of sex, someone who is there when he needs and a taxi service when he has had too muchto drink. Don't get me wrong, I never do anything I don't want to do..... It's more that I think I created a monster that will now never be what I now want him to be...
He says wait until he has finished studying... I can't wait another two years.

[Belle1979]

I asked him flat out and he says he likes it as it is, not ready to settle but if I end it then he will come looking for me in a few years...
I have to do what I feel is right and end it, make the hard decision, make it my new years resolution.

[Severijn]

Sounds to me you are having a pretty fun relationship.

Why do you think he will break your heart?

[Belle1979]

Because he has... He doesn't want to settle down, I want to, I'm not getting any younger....

It's all on his terms I guess is the way to put it. He won't compromise... I don't want to wait two years to see if there is a future... When I fully expect him to find someone more his age.
He has told me that he doesn't want to settle, that he is only 25 and has a lot of living to do... Meaning dating and shagging I think lol... Just wants me there as the solid standby.

[Irreplaceable]

I don't know how old you are, but I say let the relationship go...After reading your other posts in regards to this, I say let him go...Ok, so you wait 2 years, what happens when the 2 years are up and he changes his mind or needs more time? You just said that you don't want to settle...And I don't think that you should...I say end it, cut it all off, sex included... Your biological clock is ticking....Don't waste years on a "what if"...

I would not wait for him...His answers don't sound too stable/secure...Think about it...He has the perfect set up....He wants to continue getting the goods from you, and everything else you provide, with no strings or no one to answer to in terms of a relationship...He wants to benifits of a relationship without having the title or having anyone to answer to...It's a red flag that he won't compromise...

I think you got it right when you said that this all started off on the wrong foot...Friends with benifits...When you commit to friends with benifits, keep it just at that...Do not catch feelings...This happens waaaaayyyy too much...The woman is cool with the arrangement, but somewhere in between time, someone is going to catch feelings if the lines are crossed...And it's mostly the woman...Again, I would let this dude go...For real...He is playing games...I don't need to know or meet him to know that...From the things he is saying and the way he is acting...The whole emotional distance that you referred to is another big red flag...Cut it off.