[lovely75]

Your husband hasnt touched you (have sex) in 3 years. He says he doesnt feel "emotionally connected" because I talk about his ways and act frustrated and get defensive when it comes to anyone questioning my mothering skills. He says he still finds me physically attractive but doesnt want intimacy because of my ways. Everytime i asked him in the past he just said he didnt want to talk about it so I continually became frustrated not until recently I was in tears he finally said something. Why wouldnt he have said something long ago why let it go this long and heighten my"ways". I am lost! I think the situation is so unfair he should have told me long ago. Am I wrong??

[Leed]

Any mother would get frustrated when someone attacked her mothering skills. I'm sure you're not abusing your children -- you're probably bringing them up like you were brought up. (I hope there's no physical punishment involved )

As to talking about "his ways" -- I don't know what that means, so i can't comment on that. If it means that you get agitated at some of his idiosyncracies, EVERYONE has that to contend with and he's no different! I'm sure he gets miffed at you at times! That's normal for people who live together for any length of time, so what's HIS problem?

Does he come home on time after work? You don't suspect he has anyone else, do you? That would be my first thought.

Ask him about going into couples counseling -- marital counseling. It would certainly help. You two need to learn how to communicate, cause obviously you're having trouble. It will help bring you closer together too. I wish you the very best --- let us know how you're doing, ok? God bless & please take care. Hugs, Lee

[JLarissaDragon]

It sounds like you are having a real struggle and my heart goes out to you. Not having sex for three years would be intolerable for me. It seems rather vague when he says you complain about his ways. All of us have our own little set of behaviors that makes us unique. I would imagine that most mothers like you would become some what agitated if some one attacks our mothering skills. As women mothering is something we sort of do naturally. Is he attacking what you are doing or trying to subvert you somehow? Also, I agree with Leed above, My first thought would be to wonder if he has someone else on the side and is attempting to justify his own behavior to himself. I wish you well as this cannot be an easy place to be. Let us know how you are doing. My prayers are with you! Hugs -- Larissa

[LookingforCalm]

The thing is, you're not going to always agree on how to parent your child. It's OK to disagree on things. That's normal!

But the fact that he hasn't touched you in three years raises a huge red flag for me. I can't help but think that he's done. I think he's using his "emotional detachment" as a way to lightly let you down.

Three years is an awful long time to go without sex, and I would definitely suggest counseling.

[lad007]

As years of marriage go by, and problems and children come up, we forget why we wanted to be with the other person.
Be your husbands girlfriend again, dress up, be sweet, make a nice dinner, put the kids to be early. Be interested in his day, build him up, listen to him.
Enjoy your life together, marriage is about putting the other one first, wake up tomorrow and say, what can I do to make my man have a good day.
What you give, you will get back.