[Anderson2011]

I have been having an affair with a married woman for over 7 years. I really thought that this was love by the way this woman treated me at the start of the affair. I had just got out of an 8 year relationship with my HS sweatheart that i had a baby with at the time and she was married and had one child by him. Over the next year things was all well she was going to leave him and we where going to be together. By the second year of this affair she got preg. and i told her not to keep the child because it was a possibilty it was his child and also we really needed to get to know one another. During her preg we kind of didn't speak as much but kept in touch. I knew the child was mine the features and i have a blood disorder that she carried. She told me that she got preg because she wanted a child by me but at the same time i said u could of waited and if things got really serious then we could of had a child
We started back talking & thinking about being together/child situation. She didn't tell her husband that she was not his daughter. During this period I really wanted use to be together and I also wanted my daughter in my life. I had the opportunity to spend alot of time with my daughter during her first few years. We would have a series where i would say look u need to let this man know that she is my daughter. Now that i think about it she played mind games with me during this period also. We would talk and she would say that her husband could take better care of her and also that since they are married having both parents in the house is good. I opened up to her and told her how much i loved her and wanted to be in my child life. She told me that she wouldn't take her from me. Once she started talking I wasn't able to speak to her or see her it went from seeing her to getting pictures of her or hearing her in the back ground to showing up at places she is at. I accepted this all because i loved her and i felt like i was at fault and i didn't want to ruin her life with her husband and also i started believe the stuff she said. Now we have possibly 3 kids together (the one she just had claim its not mine but he looks just like my son). I know who in there right mind can be so stupid...ME....but what no one seem to understand is that this story is killing me....Currently I am depressed and I am still in love with this woman who seem to be playing game with my heart. Now she seem to not care about how i feel about anything when i speak about how i feel she say "OK" like it means nothing to her. She don't think i should have a relationship with my kids...and in a way it would be hard being that i don't have the money to support them as i would like....I wish i could hit the lottery and just be a exceptional father and someone husband...but i really think all of it is out the window for me...I don't think a sane woman would want a man with so many issues....so I am at a cross road now should i just try to get joint custody of my kids or should i just let it be and try to move on....the moving on is so hard because i still love this woman even though i know she is playing mind games with me...about everything just so she can be happy. What should I do concerning this situation?

[Leed]

I'm probably not going to be very popular because of this post, but shame on you! She was married -- did you even THINK about what it could to do the KIDS??? Is this fair to THEM? NO! And it's not fair to her husband either, who is supporting *3* of your kids, and he thinks they're HIS.

This stinks. Sorry, but stuff like this only hurts the kids. Lee

[tattoogirl33]

I have to agree with Lee.. But now you need to think about these children and what's best for them. The LAST thing they need is their worlds turned upsisde down with a divorce and finding out that their "dad" is not their real dad. This woman needs to know your medical backgraound in case there is a need for it in the future, but other than that you have no right breaking up this family. It's similar to an adoption. You need to walk away and let HER deal with her infidelity. You both were/are in the wrong but why should the children suffer for your supidity?

[Open Eyes]

Apparantly both of you never thought of birth control? Seven years? That is a long time to be hanging on a weak branch of part time love. It sounds to me that this woman is only committed to herself and her own needs.

Leed is right, the welfare of the children are important. What is important for them is that their psychological needs are being met, they are being nurtured in positive ways. Is the man this woman married to a good father figure? I wonder about the woman as she clearly is only concerned about herself. Someone hopefully is truely tending to the children's needs. You know I hate this, this is all about adult issues and the children hang in a strange web that can cause so much damage for the rest of their lives.

This woman is dishonest with everyone in the picture your portraying, wouldn't doubt if she might have even other victims.

I think you should walk away, but keep tabs on the children, if she makes a mess down the road, you could be there. And yes, if you have medical issues these children's pediatrician should know, IMO.

Open Eyes

[lexie86]

This is a horrible situation. However, the husband needs to know i am sorry if this does not make me very popular, but it is going to crush him though a secret this big cannot be hidden forever and it should not be. I cannot believe this woman im sorry but she is a piece of work and that is coming from me.

I am sad for you as you have put up with this for too long and should have walked away along time ago, but you did not and unfortunately actions have consequences and she needs to face the consequences and you will face an uphill battle to as the fall out sucks.

The husband needs to get DNA tests to find out if the kids are his or yours.

The children are the true victims of this, but they need to know too as it will hurt later in life, though i imagine it is going to hurt like hell anyway.

i think this is one of those times when your dammed if you do and dammed if you dont.

Apart of me wants to tell you to walk away from this woman and let her suffer, because there is too many that will suffer as this is not your typical situation as the children have grown up thinking this guy is there dad.

Do what you think is best for your children and for you.

I agree with Lee too and tbh I am disgusted by it, I can't imagine anyone being in that situation, Her husband could be supporting YOUR children and she is carrying on as "Normal", Truly shocking behaviour by both of you.

[Perna]

If you love the children and cannot care for them adequately, I would move away, stop seeing this woman, start another, more honest life. Exposing the children and disrupting the woman's marriage anymore than you already have would be truly selfish. I am not thrilled with what this mother has done, either with her marriage or her children but she is not here to ask my opinion. You two need to quit messing with the husband and the children's lives, especially as he is supporting the children.