[Miracle1986]

I told the husband that the main determining factor if we stayed married would be him finding a job, because I refuse to put us back in the situation we were in before he was deployed... he had no job, we were forced to live off of our Social Security (which wasn't much at all because we only worked for about 6-7 months), and we were on food stamps, thank the Goddess, because while we were waiting for our application to go through, we were always worried about where our next meal was coming from... it was not a good situation.

And now that the husband is back, we are right back in that same situation. He has no job, he says he is trying, but applications sit, unfinished, for days/weeks. (typical. that's how it was before). I don't know why in the hell he doesn't seem to have motivation to try his damnedest to get a job and support his family when we have said we are thinking about divorcing him over it because we don't wanna live like we have had to in the past! Uggh!!! I really don't understand him sometimes. Every time I bring up the "job" topic, he gets very defensive. "I'm trying the hardest I can." (I call ********!)... he also throws in my face "I'm not the only one that can get a job you know." Excuse me?! I would love to get a job... really I would, but can I help it if places won't hire someone who the only job they can do is a sit down job due to being in a wheelchair (employers don't discriminate my *****!) Right now we don't even get Social Security because they stopped it to recoup an over-payment, but we fixed it so they will start it up again, but we will only get half the original amount and they keep the other half until the overpayment is paid up. So that will make money even TIGHTER than before (I didn't even think that was possible!)

And as far as food stamps, we filled out an application online, a lady called the husband to do an interview, he missed the call, when he tried to call back there was no answer so he left a message asking her to call back... that was like 2 weeks ago if not more!!!! UGGGGH!!!!! I AM SO TIRED OF THIS CRAP!!!! TIRED OF LIVING THIS WAY!!! ALL I AM ASKING FOR THAT HE LOVE US ENOUGH TO PROVIDE FOR US!!!! WHY IS THAT SO DIFFICULT FOR HIM TO EVEN ATTEMPT TO DO?!?

[pegasus]

((((((((( MIRACLE ))))))))))

I think it's time for you to try a different method. Rather than threatening to leave, how about sitting down with him with a cup of tea and say that you will help him find a job. Threatening him is just going to make him feel worse. It may be that he has difficulty filling out forms or writing a CV of information about himself. Sit down together and trawl through the papers and jobsites on the web and help him fill out those forms. Encourage him as much as you can, go with him to any interviews, support usually works better than getting angry about it.

[Leed]

Bless your heart. I agree with you -- employers DO discriminate even tho they swear they don't. And trying to PROVE it is impossible! So I can surely understand why you wouldn't be able to get a job!

Is your husband depressed since he's been back? I know that ALOT of military guys are suffering terribly since coming home -- and most of them aren't getting treatment. Your hubby COULD be very depressed, and feel like "what's the use?' He may feel like since he didn't find a job before he was deployed, he sure won't find one now. Just a thought -- can he talk to someone at the VA hospital? I know it's hard to get decent treatment, but it's worth a try! Our military men deserve better than they're getting!

I hope he can find a job soon -- I'm sure it will help his mental state as well as your financial problems! I wish you the very best. Take care & God bless. Hugs, Lee

[Miracle1986]

Originally Posted by pegasus

((((((((( MIRACLE ))))))))))

I think it's time for you to try a different method. Rather than threatening to leave, how about sitting down with him with a cup of tea and say that you will help him find a job. Threatening him is just going to make him feel worse. It may be that he has difficulty filling out forms or writing a CV of information about himself. Sit down together and trawl through the papers and jobsites on the web and help him fill out those forms. Encourage him as much as you can, go with him to any interviews, support usually works better than getting angry about it.

I've tried to be supportive. I really have. I done everything you mentioned. But it doesnt seem to work. And I am not mad at him persay but I am more mad at the situation, but I guess I do tend to take my anger out on him sometimes.

Originally Posted by Leed

Is your husband depressed since he's been back?

if he is, he doesn't show it.

[bebop]

hon you can go to the ss office and they will take a lower payment. I had this happen to me this past summer and they are taking way less than what they wanted. they can spread it out for awhile for you. I am really sorry to hear your hubby won't work. that really stinks. oh also call the lady back with the foodstamps. don't sit and wait on her. it won't happen. good luck.