[MarkWantsHappy]

Hi...

My partner is being very distant. He currently does not want to talk to me and I have agreed via text not to contact him until next Sunday.

He does not like talking about emotions which makes it very difficult for us to communicate.

I want to write him a letter and let him know my perspective on feelings, intentions, etc etc, but Im hopeless putting pen to paper so need some guidance.

Do any of you guys know where I can see templates of such letters and get some good advice. Are there websites or forums for this kind of thing ?

Im trying to come up with a letter and am currently working on a draft, but things are working out as I had hoped.

Any advice appreciated.

TIA,

Mark.

[ShootingStars]

The best thing is to write the words from your heart. No "cheap" rip off
I don't think you'll find a letter that describes exactly how you feel.

[MarkWantsHappy]

Originally Posted by ShootingStars

The best thing is to write the words from your heart. No "cheap" rip off
I don't think you'll find a letter that describes exactly how you feel.

I completely agree I will not find a letter that describes how I feel - Im not asking or wanting that.

Im after tips on how to structure/compose such a letter, and do's and dont's etc.

Thanks for the reply.

M.

[ShootingStars]

Don't attack him. I don't think it's a good idea to start sentences with: you do this and you do that. Maybe something like: I feel ... when you act in this/that way.

Is he easily offended? If not: it'll be a bit easier to write how you feel cuz you don't need to watch that carefully how you put things in words. If he is, it'll be harder cuz you'll have to watch how you're saying things.

[ShootingStars]

Oh, and put positive things in there too, don't let it be all negative

[MarkWantsHappy]

Originally Posted by ShootingStars

Oh, and put positive things in there too, don't let it be all negative

An excellent piece of advice

M.

[Elana05]

One thing that helps me a lot is to balance what I need to say with what I think the other person is able to hear. To do this, I close my eyes for a few moments and put myself in to the other person's shoes. When I say what I need to say from the heart, imagining I am the other person for a moment, what does it sound like? Am I using words and concepts that this person can relate to and that they are familiar with to explain what I need to say? The other thing I try to do is keep it simple and direct and not mince words. My weakness in writing is to explain too much and dance around the subject. When I had to write a letter to a family member explaining my illness I found I was trying to use too many metaphors for how I felt. In the end I actually went to a mayo clinic website and chose 4 of the top symptoms that I was experiencing from having this illness. I was able to cut a whole page down to a paragraph. So the three main points that help me are: 1. Speak your truth 2. Pare your sentences down to the bare minimum. Say what you need to say in the clearest, most direct way possible. 3. Put yourself in the other person's shoes for a moment to try and hear what you are saying from their point of view.
Sending supportive thoughts you way...

[MarkWantsHappy]

Originally Posted by Elana05

One thing that helps me a lot is to balance what I need to say with what I think the other person is able to hear. To do this, I close my eyes for a few moments and put myself in to the other person's shoes. When I say what I need to say from the heart, imagining I am the other person for a moment, what does it sound like? Am I using words and concepts that this person can relate to and that they are familiar with to explain what I need to say? The other thing I try to do is keep it simple and direct and not mince words. My weakness in writing is to explain too much and dance around the subject. When I had to write a letter to a family member explaining my illness I found I was trying to use too many metaphors for how I felt. In the end I actually went to a mayo clinic website and chose 4 of the top symptoms that I was experiencing from having this illness. I was able to cut a whole page down to a paragraph. So the three main points that help me are: 1. Speak your truth 2. Pare your sentences down to the bare minimum. Say what you need to say in the clearest, most direct way possible. 3. Put yourself in the other person's shoes for a moment to try and hear what you are saying from their point of view.
Sending supportive thoughts you way...

Thanks for taking the time to reply - the points you have raised make so much sense.

Your supportive thoughts are very much appreciated - more than you know.

Mark.

Im sending you some good vibes your way. x

[Perna]

Originally Posted by MarkWantsHappy

I want to write him a letter and let him know my perspective on feelings, intentions, etc.

I disagree a little; I would not put so much emphasis on your partner, would stay with yourself and what you want to say? You have a good start here, could just start out, "Love, I have written this letter because I would like you to know how I feel. . ."

I think you could be getting tangled with trying to stay too far away from your feelings, so you do not upset him? But your "perspective on feelings" makes no sense? You feel; what do you feel?! You don't have to write a tretise on feelings, in general, you only have your own and you sound hurt that your partner will not talk to you for a week, is shutting you out. Tell him that!

[lastyearisblank]

So sorry you're having a hard time with your partner at the moment!

[LylaJean]

I would personally do the old fashioned 5 paragraph essay type of deal.... Open with your love for him and how proud you are to be his partner, move into 3 (or however many you have, even if only one) important points you want to make, and then conclude with more love and affirmation. I think looking at it from his perspective is a great idea. Write it from your viewpoint, then read it over as if you're him. Does it feel like an attack? Does it make sense and make a valid point? More importantly, does it give him something to work on? If you only point out problems without proposing a solution, you could make him feel helpless without wanting to. He may not know how to do/be the things that will fulfill you in the relationship. Try to visualize what could change and then write those things down specifically.

He's lucky to have someone that cares enough to go through the trouble to do this for the relationship. I hope you have some good news for us in the future!!