[TealOrca12]

I know a lot of people have varying opinions on this type of situation, and mine has bounced around a lot, too. I'm wondering how people feel about approaching having a talk about moving in with a partner (outside of marriage or engagement, I mean). I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half, and since the summer, we have pretty much informally lived together even though I pay rent at another apartment. We were long distance for about a year before that, and I brought this up to him during the time before I had moved back to where he lives (because of a new job), and he was uncomfortable with the conversation and let me know he wasn't ready. I have not brought it up since, but I pretty much sleep at his apartment 99% of the time, other than times when he has family in town who stay over, and out of respect, I stay at my own place.

To be honest, I share a place with a roommate, but I don't really feel at home there. She is nice, and fine, but she lived there before I moved in and I feel more like it is "her" place, and I am imposing. I would not be able to afford my own apartment if I didn't rent there--but when we had the "talk" about potentially living together, he expressed fears about what would happen if we had a big fight and needed our own space, which is totally valid and I understand and respect that. Some time has passed since that conversation (uh, over a year) and as I said, we're pretty much doing this as it is. I would like to bring this up again, perhaps suggest that we revisit this in the spring or summer, and see how he responds. What do people think? I know many are against living together before marriage for a myriad of reasons, and I kind of used to think this, too. But I have found someone I'm really comfortable with, who I enjoy being with and feel at home around. Besides that, we now have two cats together- and I really enjoy being with the cats, too! (This may sound dumb to some, but I am an animal lover and prefer being around pets if I can. I'm not allowed to have an animal in my other apartment). I also feel like I am wasting money paying for an apartment I never use, and that I would rather contribute to the expenses I am actually sharing. And although I could not afford to get my "own" apartment, I want to be clear that wanting to move in isn't a financial decision- it is a relationship one. I want to take that step. If he is not ready, I can find a new roommate and try a different situation, I am okay with that option too.

Thanks in advance for feedback.

[Caretaker Leo]

Depending upon your age range, my answer might differ...

[TealOrca12]

Originally Posted by Caretaker Leo

Depending upon your age range, my answer might differ...

we are 29 and 30.

[Caretaker Leo]

Yes, I would bring it up again. He expressed his fears over a year ago and you now are with him almost all of the time. Did what he feared come true? If not, then it is time to find out if he is ready to live together.

And, at your ages, if he still isn't comfortable with doing so, then you might want to weigh your next move. Perhaps you decide to spend much, much less time with him (which will cause him to think about how much he does or doesn't want to be with you), or you break off the relationship and move on with your life. It depends upon what you eventually want - marriage and children or content to remain single, or???

There is a saying - ugly, but too true for many - "why buy the cow when you can drink the milk for free?"

So, yes, my opinion is that you should have the conversation again.

[gma45]

Ya what she said^! I have to agree with Caretaker Leo.

[TealOrca12]

Originally Posted by gma45

Ya what she said^! I have to agree with Caretaker Leo.

Thank you guys, I appreciate your thoughts very much! This will be added to my "goal list" for the next few months- lord knows I have a lot of other fish to fry in my life before this will happen, but I will get to it