[Willow]

An honest friend today has told me that I have the naiivity of a 5-7 year old when it comes to male/female issues. I was thinking I was like a teenager or a 20 year old. With that impression given to me, I realize that my singleness has nothing to do with my church involvement, but is rather an effect from childhood sexual abuse. I am frozen emotionally as a victim. With that in mind... and the fact that I have a date for a party on the 13th... I need advice. My friend said I should cancel my date and GET HELP. I have a therapist, but apparently in the 4 years I have been seeing him have only dealt with church stuff... haven't touched on childhood stuff much. This is my dilemma. If I cancel my date, I will be closing the door on an area of growth that I want to open up. If I go on the date... am I being abusive by misrepresenting myself as someone good enough to date? Only pedophiles would take out a 7 year old. Apparently, I am emotionally a 5-7 year old. Am I wrong to go on a date? Should I just stay alone instead of working on this stuff with dating? I dont' want to mess up anyone else's life. I just thought that if I start dating, I can begin to grow in that area. Tell me what you think. I am in a bad spot. I'm sorry I haven't been writing much here. I guess I got obsessed in the dating adventure. I need you all.

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{{Willow}}}}}}}}}}}

Awww hun....if I were you I would go on this date. Why not take the chance and see what happens. Life is the biggest learning experience and you will never know what may happen if you don't take that chance.

Personally I think you are such an intelligent woman and I admire how you are dealing with everything in your life. Open yourself up and see what happens. In my opinion, I could never think that you would ever mess up anybody's life.

Be yourself and have fun! Fill us in on how it goes too!!!


Heather

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life - it goes on."
~~Robert Frost

[mj14]

Willow, first of all, your friend is only his/her impression...I'm not sure there's a way to quantify your emotional "age".

I don't see any reason to cancel your date in the 13th. Even if you have issues that need to be worked out, you also need to get into the social scene. This is only a date, a chance to socialize with a man. And you need that to move forward, too.

A date is just fine...you may want to be careful not to move too fast, until you feel more secure of yourself, but I definitely think that going out with someone would be good for you. Staying alone seems to be to be a way to stay stuck in the same place. Anyway, that's my two cents.

Whatever you decide, take care of yourself. And don't worry about writing here. We all need some time away now and then. But you know that whenever you need some help and support, we're here for you.

*hugs*
mj

[Sam]

Ah ... sweet, sweet (((((Willow))))),

I have missed you girlfriend! Can I hug you again (((((Willow))))) ... hope so because I did it again anyway!

And I'm going to tottaly agree with Heather and MJ - GO ON THIS DATE! It is a date, and yes I agree too that you need a social life (hey - we all do), and this isn't a major committment. Most dates are a trial and error kind of thing anyway - a process of getting to know someone better.

As to your emotional state of mind, I'm kind of lost as to how anyone could determine your age and be accurate, but we have spoken, and I've found you to be very mature.

Perhaps we all are a little naive when it comes to relationships - I would suspect we are, as it seems nothing is harder to grab a holf of than a great soulmate kind of relationship, but the great thing is, the search.

Sometimes, the journey can be greater than reaching its end. Hey - remember I said "sometimes". hehehe ... sometimes - it just sucks but that is life.

I'd sure love to know what you end up doing, and hoping you still go! AND ... I want details girl! Work it, work it and most of all ... HAVE FUN! You deserve it!

Your friend Sam (who loves you)

"You'll never know what you're capable of if you don't try."

[Willow]

Well MJ, Heather, Sam... looks like I'm still going on the date. I did take my profile off the dating site though. I feel too exposed there. I think this guy might be a really nice man and I'd hate not to find out for sure. I emailed him this morning when I was having my attack and told him about what that other person said. I asked if he still wanted to date a naiive person and would understand if he didn't. Sounds like he's still going with me and he also took his profile off the dating site! I'll keep you all posted. Thanks so much for the support. I needed you all so much! ((((((((((((((Heather)))))))))))))))) (((((((((((((((((mj14))))))))))))))))) ((((((((((((((((((Sam)))))))))))))))) I miss you too!!!! *smooch*

[umotard]

yeah, go on the date and keep in mind what your friend has said that you need to work on things. You can't stop being a "5-7 year old" unless you have the chance to grow up in experience. Enjoy yourself and when you feel yourself shutting down to possibilities realize that that is because of your past and it might be uncomfortable for a while but you need to step out past your usual limits. It will become more natural. And ya, maybe go see a councelor and let some things out. But don't cancel your date.

People know a little about everything and alot about nothing.

[umotard]

and yeah you are more than good enough to date. I forgot to add that

People know a little about everything and alot about nothing.

[Willow]

thanks umotard I'm gonna do all of the above. I told my date that I am rather inexperienced and he doesn't seem to mind. I think it will be OK. I also called my therapist to talk about the date before I go on it.