[TealOrca12]

I just had a stunning insight into my own current relationship and perhaps past relationship pattern, that has made me feel good. Hopefully it will help others--I'm curious to hear if anyone can relate or feels similar!

I think sometimes, I have hoped for or tried for a relationship in order to feel more "whole" or have something to feel close to or add meaning to my life. Not that my life has ever lacked meaning, but there's something about having "someone" in your life that makes you feel "fulfilled." It seems to bring along something that takes up your head and heartspace, even when other areas seem to be crumbling or failing.

Now, I personally think this is not the best idea, because it is unfair to expect another person to be that fulfillment for our lives. People need room to be themselves, and while love/intimacy/closeness are important, it is too much to put on someone else to be our "be all, end all" in life. We need to truly love ourselves and create a life for ourselves, without relying on another person to be our entire universe.

I think sometimes people unconsciously have children for the above reason- they want unconditional love, or they think having a baby to fix or keep a relationship that maybe isn't meant to be. I hope this message isn't taken the wrong way for those who currently are hanging on because of a loved one. I know sometimes life gets so hard that we *need* someone to be there for us, and if it weren't for them, we'd fall apart. I acknowledge this happens, and it has happened for me, too. However....it is up to us to ultimately create the life we want. Of course, it is okay to want that special someone in our lives! Point is...life isn't just about love. It is about our own journey...and creating and building a life that makes us happy on our own.

P.S. Personally, if you want unconditional love, I suggest adopting a cat or dog.

[Callmebj]

Hi Teal, In order to have a successful relationship, I feel you must be whole to begin with. No one will make another whole. Love is a completely different stance, and goes with a lot of give and take...but if you are not complete in yourself to begin with, no body can change that for you.

[maybeI will]

I can relate to what you are saying. Personally I do not feel whole or happy unless I am in a relationship.
I know this is the wrong attitude. As they say you have to feel happy in yourself and by yourself to be able to be truely happy in a relationship.
I am still working on that. It is hard when you are single and feel alone and unloved.
All the best

[TealOrca12]

Totally agree. I think a lot of people make this mistake!

[bertieb]

I feel I need a relationship too. When I was dating I would go to the park, church, restaurants, etc. and see all these couples and families and feel very alone. I'm back married now. It's nice now to have that other person there, but it won't "complete" you I have found.

[TealOrca12]

Originally Posted by bertieb

I feel I need a relationship too. When I was dating I would go to the park, church, restaurants, etc. and see all these couples and families and feel very alone. I'm back married now. It's nice now to have that other person there, but it won't "complete" you I have found.

I am a lot like you. I feel more content when I have that other person with me. I also know I can continue to grow and work on myself, even though I have someone else too. It isn't the be all end all, and i've realized that isn't "enough" to fulfill me--because fulfilling us isn't what other people are for! we've got to do it ourselves. good luck on your journey!