[laika18]

hi. can anyone give me some advice?

i recently realized its automatic and i am usually nervous to follow up with people. i feel like im on the outside. I was homeschooled and i hated that. sheltered from everything and then some

i guess im too sincere?, unapologetically talkative, maybe im too idealistic. idk i wish i would shut my mouth sometimes but i never know when something embarrassing si going to come out. and im going to talk about science biology, or alienate people by being a know it all. . i kind of get that sometimes. people look at me like im crazy. especially girls. for talking so much. i hate being a know-it-all and i hate coming off so full of myself. i dont mean to. gah its never my intention. but its lik EVERY little subtle thing is wrong. im too honest or innocent, or smart or whatever

but i am putting myself out there, I just cant get close to people. wtf.. i feel like its pointlesss actually. I really hate everything about his stage of my life. im angry. i want to live. I just want to come out of my shell and be normal. Can anyone give me advice?

i am going to college in like 2 years.
what do you think i do wrong? i dont want to be avoidant anymore.

Thank you

[Perna]

Interacting with people takes a lot of practice! Very few teenagers are good at it yet. You sound like you have a few behaviors you would like to change for yourself, maybe you can make a plan how to work on that?

Being interested in a subject is not necessarily being a know-it-all. I would see if you can find other people interested in what you are interested in. I did not realize it until a few years ago that our eyes light up and we take on an interesting/interested demeanor when we are talking about something we feel passionate about and we are more appealing to others; the excitement we feel in our subject and how well we talk about it is contagious.

But the flip side of that is being genuinely interested in other people. Learn to recognize your natural curiosity about what others say and who they are and ask them about themselves. I practice on grocery store clerks I notice if they yawn and ask them how many hours they have been working or have left to work or if the weather is nasty outside I'll comment on that and tell them if they are "lucky" to be inside if it is cold or wet out, etc. Go out (library, stores, restaurants) and practice talking to just regular people. Smile at babies in lines with their mothers and make a comment, start just talking to all sorts of people and observing, maybe writing about the people you meet; pretending you are going to write a short story and need "characters" and writing descriptions will help you notice those other than yourself and can be a fun hobby in and of itself.

[lido78]

Ah..Laika...it seems as if you're in a very tough situation. My mother is very much like you...she gets very interested in all different types of topics (mostly the sciences) and her natural enthusiams means that she typically knows more than others around her...she has a tendency to take over a conversation because she genuinely knows more than others in the conversation. While I love that my mom (at age 76, she's still working on this issue) is so smart and well-read, I've tried to let her know that EVERYONE would like, from time to time, to feel as if they have something important to say. I've asked her to listen and, when she says something, to not constantly reference her own experiences...to let others have their own time. She struggles with this b/c she is not arrogant at all...she is simply so excited by the world around her and really just likes to share. I think that being a good listener is also very important and I've suggested to my mother than she wait at least 3 seconds after she thinks someone has finished speaking before opening her mouth. What she has found is that this gives her a few seconds to find out if the other person is actually finished speaking and to really think about whether she needs to speak at that very instant. I see her working this suggestion and our conversations are much smoother and not so one-sided....

I LOVE Perna's suggestion about practicing with grocery store clerks...not all conversations have to be deep and meaningful....the art of casual conversation takes practice....and we all, no matter our age, can always improve in this area...people and conversations can be a lot of fun...when you listen, you'll be amazed at what you hear...the most ordinary person ususally has something fascinating to offer.

[laika18]

Originally Posted by lido78

Ah..Laika...it seems as if you're in a very tough situation. My mother is very much like you...she gets very interested in all different types of topics (mostly the sciences) and her natural enthusiams means that she typically knows more than others around her...she has a tendency to take over a conversation because she genuinely knows more than others in the conversation. While I love that my mom (at age 76, she's still working on this issue) is so smart and well-read, I've tried to let her know that EVERYONE would like, from time to time, to feel as if they have something important to say. I've asked her to listen and, when she says something, to not constantly reference her own experiences...to let others have their own time. She struggles with this b/c she is not arrogant at all...she is simply so excited by the world around her and really just likes to share. I think that being a good listener is also very important and I've suggested to my mother than she wait at least 3 seconds after she thinks someone has finished speaking before opening her mouth. What she has found is that this gives her a few seconds to find out if the other person is actually finished speaking and to really think about whether she needs to speak at that very instant. I see her working this suggestion and our conversations are much smoother and not so one-sided....

I LOVE Perna's suggestion about practicing with grocery store clerks...not all conversations have to be deep and meaningful....the art of casual conversation takes practice....and we all, no matter our age, can always improve in this area...people and conversations can be a lot of fun...when you listen, you'll be amazed at what you hear...the most ordinary person ususally has something fascinating to offer.

I can listen. I guess i was worried about talking too much yesterday. Tbh sometimes the tendency is to be quiet until the convo takes a turn. Like i said though i feel like im on the outside~ When the conversation is blah and about mundane stuff I kind of tune it out. I wonder why? I guess i dont feel connected to people really and thats the problem. Because i KNOW whatever i say is going to be BLAH to most

Kids my age are SO contained it . I get the feeling i need to turn it down a notch. What is up with that, why do teenagers always turn everything down?

Okay i totally accidentlly lied.

Its like this; If you get me started on a topic, i will go on and on. THen other times i will hold back.
But at least im good at asking lots of questions when im interested.

STTILL! i just feel all wierd with public school peeps and such

[laika18]

Originally Posted by Perna

Interacting with people takes a lot of practice! Very few teenagers are good at it yet. You sound like you have a few behaviors you would like to change for yourself, maybe you can make a plan how to work on that?

Being interested in a subject is not necessarily being a know-it-all. I would see if you can find other people interested in what you are interested in. I did not realize it until a few years ago that our eyes light up and we take on an interesting/interested demeanor when we are talking about something we feel passionate about and we are more appealing to others; the excitement we feel in our subject and how well we talk about it is contagious.

But the flip side of that is being genuinely interested in other people. Learn to recognize your natural curiosity about what others say and who they are and ask them about themselves. I practice on grocery store clerks I notice if they yawn and ask them how many hours they have been working or have left to work or if the weather is nasty outside I'll comment on that and tell them if they are "lucky" to be inside if it is cold or wet out, etc. Go out (library, stores, restaurants) and practice talking to just regular people. Smile at babies in lines with their mothers and make a comment, start just talking to all sorts of people and observing, maybe writing about the people you meet; pretending you are going to write a short story and need "characters" and writing descriptions will help you notice those other than yourself and can be a fun hobby in and of itself.

Thanks for the advice im going to talk to every grocery store clerk and cafe barrista, etc i can now