sad

my son is 37. he is married with 4 children . His wife seems to have many problems as she has stopped me seeing the kids so many times for seemingly no reason. my daughters have nothing to do with him because of the chaos and disruption they bring every where they go and the effect on their own children. my sons oldest boy is very troubled and has been in trouble with the law and locked up. my son and his wife take no responsibility for any of this. my son works for a government family agency which amazes me considering his own disjointed family. i have been supportive of his family and been a friend to his wife but for some unknown reason she always causes trouble and shuns me. my husband and i cannot understand it. my mother takes his side as she sees him as the golden haired favoroured boy. she has always been hard on me and prior to my birth lost a baby boy in a violent death.
i realise this is a somewhat complicated situation but i need to let it out. vent so to speak. i feel so rejected by the way they treat me. its hard to forget about your son or give up on your grandchildren. i have tried to help the oldest one but he used us up and stole from us and really hurt my hus band. i rang my son last night and he basically said he is too busy for family (except for my mum who he is hoping to inherit from). i do feel sorry for him tho as he is week and his wife has probably given him an ultimatim, me or her. she is the poisonous type of person who would go to ANY length to get her own way.

Geesh, I am really sorry that you have to go through all that, it must be terrible. Vent away, it will do you good. I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer you but I don't other than this is a good place to let out your frustrations, when you feel you have nobody to turn to that would understand. Hang in there!

That's a shame. I am sorry you are going through this.

I really, really wish I could offer more than my well wishes, but there's so much in that that I don't see what I can offer to you. At best, I would say that if I were you, I wouldn't worry about his wife not liking you. That's her loss, as I see it. You do what you need to do to be there for your son and grandchildren. Don't let her stop you from having a relationship with your son and grandchildren.

I really wish I could offer more than that. Please know at the very least I am praying for you and your family.

yeah i would if i could but everytime i have anything to do with them its like bein g hit by a truck and being in emotional intensive care for......too long. hes been driving me nuts since he was 8 he got sle (systemic lupus erythamatosis) at 14 and has been blaming me for his father leaving him when he was a babe. and she has been driving me nuts since she hooked up with him and told me i was a bad bad mother to him. 16 years ago....the sle wasnt his fault but he got significant phsychological disturbance from that and mayhem was once again created. they both seem to thrive on chaos.

It sounds as though your son has unresolved issues from his childhood; perhaps his wife does too. 4 children is a lot to handle - and probably more difficult because of the parents' issues.

I'm actually not surprised that they take no responsibility for what the oldest son has done. In the long run, being locked up might be the best thing that could happen to him. Yes, know that sounds strange - but he is now in a place with structure, rules and hopefully counseling, etc.

It is possible that the wife stops you from seeing your grandchildren because she feels lost and scared and is afraid for you to see her during those moments. If you feel that your mother is taking sides with your son - why not sit down with her and ask her questions to find out why? With age comes wisdom - perhaps she has a perspective on the situation that you aren't able to see right now.