[Silent_tsol]

I think I just need get this out of my head. I've been with my boyfriend? for 6 years. It hasn't been perfect but it was a good, healthy relationship. We did have a bumpy road last year but I felt like we worked together and got through it.

Earlier this year (actually late 2011), he had a panic attack, having been there myself I tried to help with what I've learned. The night of the first one, I drove him to the er. They agreed that it was probably a panic attack, but would run tests to make sure. After waiting 3 hours, he gave up and we left before the tests. He's since had chest pains and what's I've unofficially diagnosed as anxiety and depression.

It took until a week into this month for him to finally see his doctor. Doctor got him pretty freaked out saying that "it's probably anxiety and depression but it *could* be a serious heart concern". Since then, he was a mess.

The worry for the upcoming heart tests I think just pushed him over the edge. He said he needs to take time to figure out his health and deal with it. And imo, that's obviously important. But now it seems we have broken up completely. I thought we were just spending time apart. He sees this as a temporary situation, assuming I haven't moved on, but I'm stuck. I've never been one to take a break in things and he knows my stance. I just don't understand, if you can't work through things together, why stay together. I don't know how to see this as temporary. But at the same time I don't know how to walk away from 6 years of my life

[Billie_Jean]

Breaks are never easy and this situation is real mess up. I guess you do have to respect what he may be going through and maybe he does just need time to be alone. Did he hint that maybe ya can get back together in the future? Or is he really lost in the clouds?

I know breaks suck but they are good for couple. It gives you time to grow and get to re-know yourself. This is the time you go back to hobby or things you like to do. You take this time to grow. From personal experiences and couples I know that ones that respect a break when back together was stronger than before.

HUGS....

[Suki22]

it's not clear to anyone if you're broken up from what you said, and it seems like it's not clear to you, especially.

if you're broken up, then it's just that. sorry if that's the case--I know how sucky break-ups are. yes, you've invested six years into him but you've grown as a person and it will help you in future relationships.

[Harley47]

I'm sorry this has happened to you Silent...I know this has gotta suck.

Try not to blame your doctor, if you can help it...he has an obligation to cover all the bases when making a diagnosis. It may've not been the best bedside manner, if you told him exactly as you quoted, but he had to do it.

As for him wanting a break, I'm thinking he's just finding the fear of the prospect of a heart condition overwhelming for him at the moment, and I think this might be his way of recognizing to you that he might not be the best thing for you right now, so to speak. I think he thinks he's sparring you his pain, in a way. I don't think he's necessarily right in his actions, as I do agree that a couple should be able to handle things together, but I think he thinks he's doing what's best for the both of you.

If I were you, if you wanted to clear up the status, set him down and ask him. Based on your post, tell him you want to be there for him through this, as you would expect him to be there for you had the roles been reversed. See where that goes.

I hope I was of a little help. Take care, and God bless.

[Silent_tsol]

Originally Posted by Billie_Jean

Breaks are never easy and this situation is real mess up. I guess you do have to respect what he may be going through and maybe he does just need time to be alone. Did he hint that maybe ya can get back together in the future? Or is he really lost in the clouds?

I know breaks suck but they are good for couple. It gives you time to grow and get to re-know yourself. This is the time you go back to hobby or things you like to do. You take this time to grow. From personal experiences and couples I know that ones that respect a break when back together was stronger than before.

HUGS....

Yes, he does want us to get back together in the future and that's where I get lost. I've never been one to initiate any form of temporary break and I just can't wrap my head around the purpose of it. Yes I know he does need time to be alone.

Originally Posted by Suki22

it's not clear to anyone if you're broken up from what you said, and it seems like it's not clear to you, especially.

if you're broken up, then it's just that. sorry if that's the case--I know how sucky break-ups are. yes, you've invested six years into him but you've grown as a person and it will help you in future relationships.

We are broken up, the part that isn't clear to me, is what we are right now. I went with him to the tests and then we did some of his errands last Tuesday. It was awkward, I did want to be there and supportive for the tests and I'm not sure how or why I agreed to the errand part. I don't regret it, it was just, different. We haven't spoken since but he has said he wants us to still talk.

Originally Posted by Harley47

I'm sorry this has happened to you Silent...I know this has gotta suck.

Try not to blame your doctor, if you can help it...he has an obligation to cover all the bases when making a diagnosis. It may've not been the best bedside manner, if you told him exactly as you quoted, but he had to do it.

As for him wanting a break, I'm thinking he's just finding the fear of the prospect of a heart condition overwhelming for him at the moment, and I think this might be his way of recognizing to you that he might not be the best thing for you right now, so to speak. I think he thinks he's sparring you his pain, in a way. I don't think he's necessarily right in his actions, as I do agree that a couple should be able to handle things together, but I think he thinks he's doing what's best for the both of you.

If I were you, if you wanted to clear up the status, set him down and ask him. Based on your post, tell him you want to be there for him through this, as you would expect him to be there for you had the roles been reversed. See where that goes.

I hope I was of a little help. Take care, and God bless.

I do blame the doctor, even though I know it was just his job. Being familiar with anxiety and panic myself, it just sounds crazy to use that wording -I don't know if it was a direct quote from the doc, I'm only relaying what I was told. How do you tell someone who doesn't seem that mentally health "oh, you know what? You could be dying" That's what kept him from making the appointment for so long. Doctor also talked about what has been causing him stress and anxiety. Well, that'd be me, unfortunately because I, by being present remind him of the past year's rockiness, and his past "failures". So doctor also suggested this break. I know, his job, but it's really hard not to want to kick his butt.

And yes, he has said that he doesn't feel fit to be in a relationship, just because of his current state. I tried all of my reasoning tactics, more than I'd like to admit, to no avail.