[pudsey]

I am a mother to two children who lived in an abusive relationship for over ten years it took me a while to get out and I am now living with my new partner although we have only been in a relationship for a short time. I love him so much its unreal but I just do the daftest of things which always put the relationship in danger I don't do them to hurt him or to push him away but it seems that is what I do all the time. I believe he loves me I just feel hes always up to something this started when I found messages on his phone but I now can't get them out of my head. I have had it really rough and have a councillor who is trying to help but then I feel she is just getting to me all I want is to know I am not alone out there that others are in the same situation and just a friendly chat someone to listen when I am at my lowest to tell me all will be ok and for me to be able to do the same for others because as my councillor is saying its good to talk but not that easy when your scared to open your mouth for fear that he will leave if he doesn't like what you say and my new partner is not violent

[lad007]

Well I do know how you feel I was in an abusive relationship for years, and then left.
I am not judging you, but working on what a healthy relationship should look like, and helping your children deal with the trauma should be what your priority.
Just because someone doesn't hit you does not make them your ideal mate.
If you are afraid to open your mouth, and so stressed out he will leave if you say the wrong thing, this is way off what a healthy relationship should look like. You should be able to be free to be yourself, and comfortable and safe. You are not.
It takes a long time to get over the trauma you and your children have suffered.
Are you sure you have given yourself that time? And found out what kind of man you want to be with?
You should just be able to sit down with him, explain what you are going through, and work on a solution together, that is what a loving partner would do with you. If you can't do that, and communicate your needs, something needs to change.

[taylor43]

Til i met my husband a year and half ago i was so abused by my family. I am seeing a therapist and some days i hit my darkest moments. (((((Hugs))))) i am here if you need a listening ear. My husband has been a great support to me and he understands my bad days!

[pudsey]

Originally Posted by lad007

Well I do know how you feel I was in an abusive relationship for years, and then left.
I am not judging you, but working on what a healthy relationship should look like, and helping your children deal with the trauma should be what your priority.
Just because someone doesn't hit you does not make them your ideal mate.
If you are afraid to open your mouth, and so stressed out he will leave if you say the wrong thing, this is way off what a healthy relationship should look like. You should be able to be free to be yourself, and comfortable and safe. You are not.
It takes a long time to get over the trauma you and your children have suffered.
Are you sure you have given yourself that time? And found out what kind of man you want to be with?
You should just be able to sit down with him, explain what you are going through, and work on a solution together, that is what a loving partner would do with you. If you can't do that, and communicate your needs, something needs to change.

lad007 I may not have given myself enough time to which I know I spent 15 years with my ex who mentally abused me for most of my teenage years we had two children then I suffered the taurment of an abortion to which he told me everyday after that I killed his baby even though he decided it was for the best. Then came the violence he gave up alcohol and turned to hitting me instead i've had a knife to my throat been locked out of my own house had my children taken away for a week with no contact not even on the phone it took me all my time to make the call to the police to have him removed then on one of my rare nights out I met a wonderful man I am now proud to say is my partner I have not had it easy and it is a difficult situation I was with him just 12 months when I decided it was best for me and my children to leave there family home and get away from all they have ever known but I did it because I thought it was in my childrens best interest maybe moving them in with another man in some people eyes is wrong but I felt it was right at the time. Although we are not always seeing eye to eye there is never any confruntation around the children tehy are now living in a happy loving environment I think it's demons in my head which I need to sort out before I can sit and talk with my partner my ex would always raise his voice and be violent whenever I tried to address anything which I suppose is why I am the way I am now I know that I need to change I just don't klnow where to start thanks for your advice I hope to be able to turn to you again when I am in need x

[pudsey]

Originally Posted by taylor43

Til i met my husband a year and half ago i was so abused by my family. I am seeing a therapist and some days i hit my darkest moments. (((((Hugs))))) i am here if you need a listening ear. My husband has been a great support to me and he understands my bad days!

Thank you it is always nice to know that there are other people in the same situation I would love to chat with you share our views x