[jamk1234]

I am currently in a relationship with a guy who lives in another country. I am 21 years old and I've had my fair share of relationships. I take my parents' opinions on relationship situations very seriously, however I feel like in my past I chose their opinions over my own happiness. My current boyfriend is probably the most polite, honest and caring man I have ever met. He comes from an amazing and supportive family and he himself is confident and aggressive. Although he is a businessman, he is very sensitive and talks to me a lot about his feelings and is very honest with me. I have nothing to complain about in our relationship. It was like this from the moment I met him last September.

I have thought out all of the possible outcomes for our future and I am willing to take that leap of faith for him. I went through that stage where I did contemplate if it was really worth it at first, but I am more than confident in this relationship. My parents, however, have a different opinion. They think that it is absolutely ridiculous to be in this relationship, even though I have explained to them multiple times that I do know that I can be really hurt in this situation. I feel as though I am stuck in the middle of choosing my happiness over theirs. I know that I do not want to break up with my boyfriend, however I feel as though my parents are pushing me in that direction. I also feel that if I break up with him, that it will be a huge mistake. I am not afraid to be alone; I rarely have boyfriends and I've never had this feeling with anyone.

I just want to get opinions from others and see what I should do in this situation.

[Leed]

Hi ~ You're an adult now. While of course you respect your parents opinions, you do NOT have to abide by what they say! You have your own life to live --- you can NOT live it for them! If this relationship turns out to be a mistake -- well, then you'll have to take your bruises. But if you feel that this is right, and it's your chance for happiness, then by all means go forward with it! We don't get alot of chances for true happiness.

Your parents will get over it. Besides, it's not THEIR lives. Take care & God bless -- good luck. Hugs, Lee

[Perna]

I do not know what you are calling a "relationship" if he is not there with you. How often have you seen him in person in the six months you have known him? Is there any plan to get in the same location together anytime soon? As much as I might enjoy talking with another online, on the phone, video chatting, etc. that still leaves a lot to the imagination; if you have not "done" anything together, do not have any experiences/activities in common you don't really know how it would be like to be with this person, it is all just words/talk.

Your parents have had an actual relationship and the experiences; they know how difficult it is and are perhaps trying to share that with you but, we all have to make our own mistakes (and successes).

[Confusedinomicon]

Perna, I have to politely disagree.

I was with my boyfriend for nearly a year (approx 9 months) before I met him in person and we've been together for 4 1/2 years. I count the time we knew each other online, and through the phone as valid dating time. Perna is right in that you need to plan to meet him in person. Also you should NEVER immediately move to be with him, EVER. I had a long distance relationship with my SO for another year before he decided to move to my home state to be with me. We traveled back and forth for holidays and such and met one another's family respectfully. It was very expensive, but it was something both of us wanted to pursue. (I was 18-19 and he was 19-20 at this point) Even when he moved to my home state we did not move in together. We've been living apart for the past 2 years but live really close to one another. (5ish? minute walk but not together completely!)

If you can, ask him if he can come visit you in whatever country you're in right now. Talk to your parents and see if he can sleep in a separate room from you. If you agree to meet him at a hotel, it will most likely lead to sex. (Which I don't know if you're mature enough to handle) Having your parents there creates a buffer. Whatever you do, try not to meet him and stay with him alone the first time you see him.

Also if you decide to move to his country, stay there for a month or two before you commit to the move. Make sure you can get past the culture shock (even if it is Britian or Canada or something like that) and look for ways to make friends there. (This makes integrating in the new culture easier and you won't feel lonely this way.)

Take as many precautions as possible and be sure you absolutely know the person inside and out. My boyfriend on the internet and phone was not the same person that I'm with now. I don't think I am the same person as I am online either. However, we just got lucky and happened to be compatible regardless of the persona that we had online.

I was going to write more but forgot what I was going to say...xD

If you respect your parents opinion, which it seems you do, you will certainly give weight to what they are saying. In hindsight, I've found that my parents are often right about many things. And they know you better than anyone. Having said this, they are individuals too and see things through their individual "prisms". I've also learned to sound out both parents as individuals. Together they may respond with one voice but separately, their opinions may surprise you.

I've had a few relationships which began online but sorry, I think it's a bit ludicrous to call someone a boyfriend or girlfriend if you've never met in person. As Confused has said, all of us have different personae online, so until there is a face-to-face, can you really fall in love with the person? More likely, you are "in love" with his/her online persona. And I think that's the real danger with this online thing; people invest so much time in it, that when the actual meeting occurs, we have almost unwittingly conditioned ourselves to like the person. That is to say, by that point, we've got too much time and effort invested in the "relationship" for it to fail-even if, perhaps, we see that the online and in person personae very rather widely. To truly love this person, we really have to start from scratch. Which unfortunately means letting go of some of those mental images we have developed in the course of the time spent exclusively online.

LDRs are tough. I'm in one at the moment. And they won't work forever, that's for sure. So, if you're going to pursue this fellow, I would step it up or it will surely fizzle.