[drunksunflower]

k well ... this is a lame *** subject really but i was wondering what everyone does ... as far as like telling ur friends and family about whatever disorder is affecting u.

its not that i don't class people on PC as my friends but things are a bit different when it comes to day to day stuff.

I have read about what people do/don't say to their managers at work. That is very useful. I missed most of a week and a half of work recently but I was able to put it down to the flu. Change of season. So that was ok.

But truthfully none of my IRL friends really know that I have whatever it is that i have, that i take dumb meds, etc. I used to share everything with an ex boyfriend but we don't even talk now (he was the one who made me get help in the first place). Another ex of mine is also kinda in the loop, he has been wonderful but he lives a long way away (7 hours drive). And he doesn't know i am taking ADs etc.

I just can't really bring myself to say to my everyday friends that this goes on. Whenever I don't wanna do something and just stay at home I say I have work to do. Because I have a demanding job this is feasible.

I don't really want to let any more slip than I have, my friend Samantha said she could tell I was feeling crappy the other day. I love her to bits but I don't want to say whats going on etc. I have a couple of my best guy friends who just offer cuddles and their company (and a bottle of wine heh) when they see that im not all sparkley. But I don't WANT them to work out im not happy - especially cos I have little reason to be sad.

So my question for you all:

What are some other good, plausible excuses when you don't feel like doing stuff that u have planned etc? Cos apart from work, I seem to be running out of options

dsf x

[LMo]

What's wrong with telling them the truth? Mind you, I live in a city where depression and ADs are common (weather issues) but it just doesn't seem to be as much of a stigmatizing taboo subject as in days past. At least among my peers - don't know about yours.

[drunksunflower]

It's hard to explain.

My friends would be fine but I don't want them to see me that way. I am the one with the psych qualifications, etc. I have some friends who have problems in this area also. But I'd rather be the one they ask about stuff than the one who wants to be helped out.

I just need to work out some ways of getting round any awkward questions

[drunksunflower]

well i guess no one else has this issue.

for me, i have a career that is advancing rapidly and i'm not putting that at risk

good luck to the rest of you!!!

[LMo]

well, it's pretty late in the US -- I'm sure that it's more that most people haven't read it yet.

I guess I don't see it as putting your career at risk, as long as we're talking about what to tell your friends when you want to bail out of plans because you don't feel good. Then again, it's been a long time since I've had an employer and I don't really give much of a hoot what people think about me.

[drunksunflower]

everyone knows someone who knows someone over here

ty for replies lmo

[LMo]

Yeah, sorry I couldn't really be of much help. I'm kind of out of touch in that world these days.

I do know that when I was in my 20's, I worried wayyyyyy more than I needed to about my professional reputation. There is a lot to be said for growing older, developing credibility, and then being able to let go of the worry.

If you had asked me these questions about 20 year ago I would have said "tell my family and friends are you nuts?" My family will kill me and I only have a handful of friends and we don't talk about that stuff"

But now My friends know just about everything there is to know about me. Some more than what they expected because When I made the choice like I did to go public and attend community agencies, jr high and high school classes, College classes and prison inmate offenders programs, church groups as a guest speaker on child sexual abuse and sexual assault in general There isn't that many secrets left to hide from your friends. Especially when some of those friends were a part of the public lifestyle too. Some of my friends got harrassed and threatened by my abusers when I went public. My abusers used every tactic they could think of to get me to go back to keeping my mouth shut.

So all my friends know I was abused and some of the effects from it that I have. As for specific diagnosis my friends don't ask for that see they accept me no matter what. They know what I have but they don't care if I have a foot long label, what they care about is the time we spend together be it on line, by phone, email or regular mail.

How did I tell them? Straight out for example when I told my friend here in town I had DID it was at a time when I wanted to include her in one of my therapy activities. So I picked up the phone and said "hi there how are you?" She said "fine just doing laundry how about you?" I said "well Im about to tell you something that may shock you or not. " She said "yea right you shock me? What can be more shocking then having you show me last time I saw you all the public stuff you did in (another state). Now THAT shocked me. What can top that?" So I said " Ok I have DID which is Multiple personality Disorder and I need your help on one of the things "S" and I are working on are you game? She said "well that answers lots of questions Ive had on and off. Sure what are we doing?" and then I read the charting memory pieces activity I was working on. Im the same way with my family whether or not they like it. I tell them the way it is and they can accept it or not, mostly its "or not" and thats their problem not mine.

As for excuses when I don't want to do something - I don't make excuses. for example a friend invited me to dinner one night. I told her flat out "sorry cant, I have been out all day and I just want some alone at home time tonight how about tomorrow night?"

I find the best excuse is not to make one, just tell it the way it is. when people spend time making excuses up, they usually forget who they told what to and the truth comes out after the fact anyway, which can get the person making excuses into trouble. Especially if the person has DID. The person isn't going to know what to say other than the truth when they are physically running on the autopilot of past memories while mentally they are off floating in their mental safe places.

So I have found its better to tell the truth - no I don't feel like it I am going to do this tonight. I don't have to worry about who I told what to or anyone getting upset if they found out after the fact that the excuse was just that an excuse because I did not want to tell them the truth.

[radio_flyer]

I told a few close friends and that was a big mistake. They told me things that happened to them and tried to make their experiences more important than mine and would ask why was I in therapy when they didn't need therapy..... And then once I was driving to an important meeting. I was driving on the beltway and I guess what happened to me was I was having a panic attack. I couldn't drive. It was like I didn't know how to drive and I got scared. I didn't even know if I was going to make it home, but I did.. I called the T and she told me to fib to my boss. Thing is I stink at fibbing so I told him I had a panic attack and he said ooooooo he has a friend that has panic attacks and he carries a paper bag in his pocket. He understood and didn't fire me.... But I think it really depends on the people who you tell.. I prefer keeping my private business to myself and tell as few people as possible. As far as telling the folks where I work, I do believe I'd keep my lips zipped and tell them nothing. If problems arise at work, I'd tell them the least amount of info and go from there.......

Oh and at another job I think I was filing something and a project manager came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder.. Well I almost jumped to the ceiling and screamed. When I composed myself I was so embarrassed and the manager said he was soooooooooooo sorry..... I didn't have to explain anything and I didn't feel the need to explain.. Again, I was lucky, but that was because I was well liked on the job. wipes brow

[katheryn]

its not easy deciding who you tell what to and whom , my private life is mine but a few ppl know im on anti depresssants but why they just think i have stressfull life ,
but the only ppl that have ever know all that went on in my childhood is my husband and way back a ex boyfriend who encouraged me to report the abuse i was having once the police dealt with it it wasnt mentioned again even me and my husband havent ever mentioned it since when we were first discussing it , and then way back in the back of my mind theres the other abuse nobody knows about , maybe i have never even talked about this because im not sure i wanted to , i have never discussed this with a councellor ,
and my employer only knows what was put on my sick certificate when i was of work , we had a manager back then who was lovely who also had suffer from depression so she understood , my husband is finding it hard as his job is in a big place with lots of ppl some understand some dont, he had graffite drawn on his locker when he took his first overdose, and while he was back at work last oct the man in charge of the section told him there was nothing wrong with him, which led to full blown panic attack
so some ppl we tell some we dont even family dont know evrything

[Lexicon78]

I use the Don't Ask/Don't Tell policy on everyone in my life. If they want to know, I tell them the truth.

[Rapunzel]

My need to be understood has been overpowering my need to keep secrets for the past three years. I don't tell very many people the details, such as that I SI and that I was molested as a child, or what I did when things got really bad. But I do tell people when I think someone might understand, or that it might help them in some way. For a long time I was afraid to say much here on this site because I was afraid that the wrong people might read it (particularly when I'm trying to get into graduate programs). Since now I'm a graduate student in mental health counseling, I do tend to want to be the expert who knows about this stuff (since I keep finding people who have some of the same issues or who want to understand someon else who does), but I feel like having experienced it myself gives me a better and more useful perspective sometimes than just playing the role of an expert.

Rap