I wonder

I have been signed up to this site for a week and have made a few posts but feel I need to tell all for me to start to move on which is why I am posting here because I have so many problems not actually sure where this post should go

It all started when I was 14 I met a lovely man he told me I was good looking we were happy he made me feel special talked sweetly to me and before I knew it had managed to talk me into sleeping with him I didn't want it but he went on and on and before I knew it it was over nad done with he left me shortly after
Then I met a new man shortly after I was 14 he was 24 we had a great few weeks things moved very quickly we stayed together for years we went on to have two wonderful children I loved him with all my heart I got severe post natal depression after my first child and found it difficult I was angry alot and I hit out at him even stabbed his hand but then we moved on and I had a son
Things were great for a while although I didn't really go out or have a life with my friends I was happy with him move forward 5 years and he drinks heavily then all of a sudden decides that he is going to give it up yes great I thought we would have the perfect life but two weeks later things changed and I couldn't believe where I had ended up the man of my dreams the love of my life hit me shock wasn't in it but that was just the start that continued for years he hit me punched me had a knife to my throat but the final straw was when he had our son in his arms and my daughter was on the sofa and he punched me I called the police and had him removed then things got worse his family threatened me my family took his side my parents even let him move in (over two years ago hes still there)
Then I meet my current partner things were great when we first started to see each other spent days by the river nights in the pub I have always struggled with the life I have now its a whole new world for me
I haven't been innocent I had a time where I was texting another bloke dirty texts they were found on my phone and he kicked me out of his house wouldn't even see or speak to me for a week it was hard at home with my kids my heart breaking and them not knowing why as they didn't know about my man
He kicked me out on the monday morning and didn't see me till the firday then we had a great day together things were good that weekend then he told me he had only let me back into break my heart dead inside is how I felt but we get over that and then moved forward 12 months go by he meets my children and we move into his house then he gets cagey with his phone puts a password on the day before my birthday were sat on opposit sofas hes texting away when I ask who its a mate from work sommet didn't add up it was 11.30 at night
We had a party for my birthday the next day it was great all his family a couple of friends he was drunk very drunk and fell asleep leaving his phone unlocked I don't know why I did it but I did I went through his phone and there it was two women he had been talking to im going to go back a couple of weeks before I tell the next bit he started a new job on site wanted to go for drinks with the lads gonna be having a night out on the 29th agust so I said great be good for you to mix he never really goes out so then jump forward to my birthday again the women hes talking to hes saying hes been single for 18 months since his marriage split and he would meet her for lunch on the 29th august he would pay debate went on but he arranged to see her he was also talking to another woman telling her he was single pleeding all alone i messaged both women then went to confront him to which he said you been through my phone then he did something which I also said I wouldn't put up with again only he was bad he burst my lip and gave me a black eye so you ask why haven't I left because I love him
There is no trust I love him to pieces but I just can't get over it I really am down and don't know where to go or what to do I have no family or friends im in a new area don't really go out much and am fighting a bitter custody battle with my ex when will it all stop??????
SO SORRY it goes on but I needed to get it all of my chest

(((Pudsey))). You need to leave this man now!! Even if you go to a women's shelter if you have no one.
It may also help your custody battle that they see you are away from such a violent relationship. You are young, you CAN do this.

Best wishes, chin up!

I agree with Kindachaotic --- It's time to STOP the violence NOW. You've been in too many violent relationships -- you've got to stop this madness. Your kids should NOT see this kind of thing or THEY will end up thinking that this is normal! It is not normal -- it's wrong!

Take the kids out of this mess. They deserve better than this and so do you. Go to a shelter if necessary. Talk to a pastor if there's no shelter. Or find some way to get back to your family. Do anything you have to do to get out of there.

Best of luck & God bless. Hugs, Lee