[wishful2468]

well this may be much but there are three bug guys in my life and i need to decide quick for all of these for different reasons and i'm confused about all of these for different reasons so ya here goes: (if you don't wanna read all of them u don't have to but if u would read one or skim them whatever i just need advice and i tend to over explain things so plz read one skim one any help would be great)

guy1 : my exboyfriend matt1 he's complicated he's really into philosophy and japanese culture. To be honest he was a great boyfriend in that when we were alone he was a gentleman he carried me a few times. He would randomly pull me close and kinda sway like dancing in movies and that amazing thing all guys should do where they comb your hair out of your eyes. (ur a guy w/ a gf try it its cheesy but most of us secretly love it even if we act tough or anything) He loved being the perfect bf in that way we even live near this field that we'd lay down in or we'd walk through the woods behind it to suicide hill and hang there it was sweet and intimate. Though in public he's mr. Mormon eagle scout boy who randomly blows up weirdly at teachers making me wanna kinda hide. I'd help him but he hates being couple like in public it just feels awkward. Plus at the end i realized i needed a guy who is proud to be in a relationship w/ me i mean it wasn't a secret but we weren't ever at parties he didn't want to go to prom we never saw eachother at school and when we did he'd reject my attempts at being cute. Than when his parents agreed to let him drop out after this band concert it was too much i couldn't stand it and i planned how i'd dump him. I made a date so we could be alone and talk about it but he canceled he got busy and i made another one he canceled it again so i was desperat so finally Thursday i'm at wicked he knows i've wanted to see this play forever and i'm texting him i sit down right before the play starts he texts me the relationship isn't working out. HE did it through text after i had just made plans to see him the next day he couldn't wait one measley day he didn't even consider my feelings when i spent days hoping to preserve his. I have no contact w/ him over the weekend he got sick and wasn't back til thursday i confrounted him and officially ended it but i screwed everything i was going to say up cause he wouldn't even stop walking to talk to me or slow down i got flustered. I was just so mad and sad i was about crying i did like him he was my first bf my first kiss and he was being a complete jerk. I texted him mad at first than i just told him all i wanted was an apology he knew he'd been a jerk and i knew he felt bad and i really didn't want to hate my first bf. (don't get me wrong i don't never did love him) I told him all i needed was to talk it out get some closure and than we might be able to be friends. Next day in math i have family issues pop up my dad was in hospital both my parents were sick i tried to tell him he didn't even try to act compassionate like he didn't want to be my friend. When i said we'd have to do it later cause i had to leave right after school he never made other plans. Now we don't talk he leaves right after school and he's dropping out in a little over a week than i've officially lost my chance should i try to keep him as a friend i feel awful not trying cause alot of his old friends have been distant w/ him i was like his last good friend and i pushed for more. If I don't try I may never see him again but do i want to it could be a clean break?

Guy2 : Matt2 both are named matthew yes its confusing yes i've tried swearing off matts it doesn't work they're everywhere. Matt2 is a cool guy but we only text and last year we had a kind of sexting relationship i was naive thinking it would lead to more. Though i'm happy i did it if we had become eventually more it wouldn't have worked out we have totally different social circles. Fun fact on that he use to act like he was so cool and i was kinda in the band geek and weirdo circle though i never really cared when we were in health his circle accepted me easily mine thinks he a freak tho by then we were completely too complicated to talk to each other in school. So we sexted through the summer by mid summer maybe earlier i gave up on relationship and just kinda gave into the fun of friends w/ limited benefits. My rep at school is 'hot girl next door who will kick your butt if you even touch her' which isn't true at all i hate it i know i'm not ugly, but i'm not the fun girl the hot cute girl who guys like and make cute little jokes about. I play trumpet and baritone i'm natural blonde green eyes good build matt2 says he likes my butt idk i don't and the guys never make one joke about me i'm in the freaking brass section but if my name is in a joke its about how ugly i am. That killed my confidence so matt2 had it easy he told me i was hot and sexy which to me at that point was sadly the dream a guy to think of me as sexy. Well monthe later he has a gf. We stop sexting for a few months he tell me he love her shes the one etc. This was after a month so i found it weird. After about three we talk late one night he keeps making points trying to turn it to sexting or in that direction but i stop him. A month later he tries again he makes it clear hes not breaking up w/ his gf i really didn't care as far as i cared we were friends w/ limited benefits again. Than i got a bf and we stop he tries a couple times but i hold out until i dump my bf. Matt2 is a goodish friend yes i miss when we could txt all night and never even talk about sex. I know its prob cheating but i don't know the girl shes not my friend and i trust matt not to tell her atleast i did. Recently i've noticed matt2 has been being secretive than i realize he won't tell me anything i tell him like evrything i completely trust him and i feel like he doesn't me. I brought it up w/ him when i was being a bit nosy and he kept answering 'it's personal' well i told him i know atleast one secret of urs meaning us sexting it was a joke he freaked out he couldn't figure out what i knew. I'm staarting to feel like he doesn't trust me at all and that really hurts me I like him more than just a friend like a confident but i want him to feel he can trust me and should i trust him if he can't. He could show anyone he wanted the sexts i send him i trust him not to should i i mean if i wanted to i could go up to his gf and show her a few texts and pics she'd find interesting and totally ruin his soul mate he can trust me not to do that but nothing else. We're two pretty messed up friends sometimes i consider just ending it at one point i banned him from my facebook skype and deleted him from my phone but i texted him 'I'm sorry bye' before i did just to kinda officialize it i was sorry about ending it but i felt i had to. well he got worried and my phone never deletes old texts and when i tried to delete about 15,000 txts it wouldn't do it. I backed out thought it was a sign and covered it all up he never had a clue. Should i end this messed up friendship or just keep it up and see where it goes i like him a lot sometimes i kinda wished i'd dated him but mainly i'm happy we didn't. Though there is still a weird feeling everytime i see all his pics w/ his gf all cutsie. I try to convince myself its not jealousy but i think a littlte is not enough to want to break them up but some. Also weird thing he told me and he didn't lie he and his gf are having sex yet he still wants to sext me yet he claims to love this girl and he'd risk the real thing with this amazing girl for well sexting w/ me i just don't get it. Also shes a senior he's a junior i'm a sophmore if she goes to colledge and he tries me idk how much i can well stand my ground my morals always feel fuzzy around him sometimes i consider just having sex w/ the guy idk he has this weird power over me like i never wanna get mad at him play nice avoid confrontations when i fight he just acts like i'm insane. He makes me just kinda do what he wants and w/ out a gf idk what he might want. Should i stay his friend? Should confront him about that why sext me when you can have her?

guy3: Donny yes new name. Donny is my first love we fell in puppy love at camp. I've always found it cute that it happened when i had frizzy hair ugly glasses (contacts now) and i had no figure w/ horrible taste. He was blonde sweet tall popular a year older than me he could have gotten anyone i was beyond lucky. We were like the camp couple mainly cause every girl was trying to figure out why he mr. hottie was liking a girl like me who was younger. We never dated because at the time i was like 12 he was 13 and he live a half hour away and neither of had transportation he pushed the subject but i knew it couldn't work. Now i'm 16 he's 17 and we're still really close we still have always said we love each other. We were each other's first love and we still lve each other and sense we were never in a relationship and it never ended its like untainted love no end. Well now i'm considering sense we're both single and have kept in touch to go for it. Maybe he's my one but i feel like theres so much i don't actually know about him whats he like at school with his friends and he doesn't see me at school we see each other some i'll see him next planned march 20 our schools are playing soccer against each other my school keeps moving in amd out of his's region so this is the first time sense i started that our schools have played though that should change. I know i love him but lately i've been noticing all his break ups are messy the girls always end up hating him and all i've got to go on is his side. Though i completely trust him before i start this i feel like i should be sure its risking my first love my good friend my favorite memory of love. Do i keep him as a friend or try for something more i'm sure i love him but the long distance, bad history, should i risk it?

if you read this whole thing wow thanks if you read one or two still reply i could use help i'm very much a mess of a 16 yr old girl but find one that isn't a mess and i'll help her out of the convent she must be in jk most girls are smarter than me w/ guys

[wishful2468]

its a lot i know but don't comment saying its too much doing stuff like this makes me very self conscious and for some reason having someone i don't know be well critical of me freaks me out and i would appreciate if u would not comment on my over explanatory nature i'm very self conscious on site like this about it

[Perna]

Originally Posted by wishful2468

guy1 : my exboyfriend

Guy2 : Matt2 we only text and last year we had a kind of sexting relationship i was naive thinking it would lead to more.

guy3: we fell in puppy love at camp. Now i'm 16 he's 17 and we're still really close we still have always said we love each other. We were each other's first love and we still lve each other and sense we were never in a relationship and it never ended its like untainted love no end. Well now i'm considering sense we're both single and have kept in touch to go for it.

Keep the ex, ex; #2 didn't lead to more, earlier, it probably won't now, quit the sexting, he's using you; puppy love can mature but you are still young, you are considering and if you're interested, I would have a serious discussion with him, see if he's interested, get out of your own head and talk to the guy for real.