[fromGreenland]

I am a 22 years old, but I feel like I'm over 50 years old inside.
I met my boyfriend at college. He is just the sweetest, nicest and most patient person I have ever met! And he fell for me. A heartbroken girl, who just wanted to be happy and loved. I was in therapy when we met, a year and a half ago. Surely he never had been in a relationship but he was sure that I was to be his first girlfriend. He didn't mind that I was insecure, he told me I was beautiful inside and out and I believed it. I still do. I'm actually attractive and people get shocked when they find out that I have no self-esteem, but when he tells me, I believe it. I don't know where I would've been today if he hadn't picked me up while getting to know my dark past that I was trying to move on from. He still loves me so dearly and picks me up when I fall, but I can feel that I'm tearing him apart with my problems; I get depressed around my PMS'es and he goes through them every month. Every month I feel I deserve him less. Every month I hate myself for not being able to control my fears. Every month I hate my guts for scratching his angel wings. But still he tells me he loves me and I love him so dearly I am afraid of loosing him SO much! I fear that every time I love him more, I give him more power to how much he can destroy me, even though I know with a 1000% that he would not. I fear that every time I collapse I destroy him a little. I don't want to destroy him. I want him to be happy. I think he deserves someone who knows how to be happy. Someone who doesn't get depressed every month. But of course I tell him how much he means to me, how grateful I am to have met him, and he still tells me I'm beautiful and that he's proud of me. I am in my PMS now and he is in Sweden to ski and watch his friends snowboard in Denmark's championship. But I think about this every time, even in my non-period times.. that maybe I should leave him alone before I use him up?

[laughx7]

Hey- I am actually on the other side of that. My boyfriend who is battling depression tells me I am too good for him. I deserve a better life, etc. It hurts to hear him say that. I love him with all my heart. If I didnt love him or wasnt happy, I wouldnt still be there. I think sometimes these days that kind of love is rare. Where you can be 100% you and be loved for it. I think its an extraordinary love that we need to cherish. Continue to tell him how much he means to you and how much you appreciate him. if you truly love him and he loves you- stay! You got something special

[fromGreenland]

Thank you.
It warms and calms my heart to know that this crazy beautiful kind of love is known by others <3 you just gave me strength to believe again; that I deserve him as much as he deserves to be happy. with me. :' )
I wish you and your boyfriend all the best in strength and love <3
You're our fairy tales come true in our twisted lives.

[Confusedinomicon]

What are you doing about the PMS?

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/pmdd/AN01372

If you aren't being proactive about your health, then start now. It is fine to admit that you're feeling sick and that you need help. This link shows that there are options that can relieve some of the symptoms you're experiencing. You don't deserve to live in pain, and sadly, this behavior will eventually wear your boyfriend out. It's not fair to YOU or HIM if you're going through the PMS without seeking help. You want to be healthy right? Luckily for you, your depression and irritability around PMS can be worked with as it's a physical problem that science understands pretty well.

Please don't wait until you get so low that you hit rock bottom. There are options out there now that you need to take advantage of. Wouldn't you like to feel more stable?

To be honest I am not alarmed at the state of your relationship, so much as the fact that it doesn't seem like you're in any treatment for the PMS and that you're not emotionally stable. There are even holistic ways you can deal with it, if you're opposed to prescribed medications.

[helgajean]

Hi, I actually agree with laughx7. It's not everyday that you find that kind of person, and if you let go of him, you might not be able to find another one as understanding as him. I suggest that you do your best to get help with your depression, be open-minded about the possibilities of you getting treatment. I'm sure he'll appreciate you more knowing that you're trying hard to return back the unconditional love he has offered. Good luck, I wish you both well!

[fromGreenland]

Oh I have tried going to therapy, it worked but it was too expensive and I seriously have to be suicidal before our community service can help me pay for it due to our lack of therapists throughout my country etc, but thank you very much, I will try the hospital tomorrow morning. And thank you very much for the link, I did not know there was such a syndrome. I am very grateful. <3

[Confusedinomicon]

Hopefully it all works out!

Maybe print out the link and show it to the doctor if that helps?

[fromGreenland]

I immediately started doing a little research and wrote a few notes to take with me to the doctor

Thanks again <3