[jadzea]

I have been friends with a woman for many years. A few years back she had some kind of breakdown (I thought) and made up an abusive boyfriend who beat her and cut her and otherwise mistreated her. I knew she was lieing because we lived near each other at the time and she never had any physical signs of his abuse. Finally, her T figured out she was making things up and confronted her. She just stopped talking about the situations.

Fast forward to now. I do not live near her anymore but I talk to her 3-4 times per day. She recently started telling me about a relationship with a man and his 8 year old son. Her story has become so outlandish that I suspected she was making things up again. I called her brother and asked him and he said, "Oh, is she doing that again"? I talked to his wife later that night and she said that almost everything my friend says is a lie. We compared facts and I found out that my entire friendship is based on lies. I do not know this woman at all. Her SIL also told me that my friend cherishes my friendship. I am the only friend she has.

Now, I have a dilemma. Do I continue to have a relationship with someone that lies to me all the time? If I end the friendship I am afraid she will hurt herself. I could not stand the guilt. Do I confront her and tell her I know she is making things up? This is too strange! Any advice?

[hoping4best]

I think u should confront her n tell her that it hurts that she doesnt trust u enough to tell u truth. Tell her that u care for her and expect her to be honest with u.

[Perna]

You have too many other people in there with this friendship. Talk to this woman, tell her your concerns and stay away from the third parties, they are not part of any relationship you have with this woman!

If you do not see her or do anything with her and she is just telling you stories, do you mind that? She obviously has a problem and needs to tell you stories. If you don't like that, tell her you don't believe the stories and would like to talk about something else.

I do not understand why you are talking to this woman/friends with her in the first place? What is in it for you?

[jadzea]

Perna, there is a ton of information regarding this situation that I left out in the interest of brevity. I talked to her family because she is emotionally unstable and I am afraid she will have a breakdown if I confront her. I live 6 hours away. I cannot be there to pick up the pieces but I wanted someone nearby that could. Ergo, I called her only family in the area.

Things are not always as simple as they seem.

[Perna]

I do not understand the "friendship". You are not there, she has family who is and I don't know what she offers you in this friendship (your own feeling of being needed?). I would listen to her and let her say/think whatever she wants; her family or those closest to her who care for her are the only ones who can/will do much for her should she need it; I think you will only hurt yourself trying to be involved form a distance and trying to take on a role you cannot sustain (support). You are not responsible for this person and though you care for her, her making stuff up does not "hurt" anything and if that is how she relates to you best, I would listen occasionally and otherwise shrug, as to how it relates to my own life as it does not. You know she makes stuff up; that should not affect you (make you angry) as you know she has problems and does this. She is not deliberately lying to you or making things up just to annoy you; it is not about you at all. I would disengage my personal feelings from this "friendship" so I did not get hurt; she does not sound capable of being a true friend of the sort you might want as "friend". Loving/caring about someone and being friends with them are not the same things.