[manwhocantbemoved]

i'm a college freshman as is my girlfriend of two years and she goes to a school several hours away and i only get to see her once or twice a month i dont question her loyalty at all and shes never really did anything wrong to me in fact i think shes made me a better person but my best friend for five year contacted me a few nights ago and confessed her feelings for me now I've always had feelings for her but because of my low self esteem didnt tell her. I am sure that i love them both and this hurts me a great deal because I know i have to hurt one of them and I have no idea what to do. every time I think i want to be with my best friend I think of how long I've been with my gf and how i dont want to hurt her and not to be disrespectful but I was her first and I know that means something plus I have feelings for her and dont want to do anything to hurt her ever but my friend has been here for me through the hardest times in my life and always was here so i feel a strong connection to her but i also am afraid of something going wrong between us and losing everything. when i think of staying woth my gf i start to worry that i may only be doing so because I know its safe and secure I truly do not want to hurt anyone but i have to choose soon so if anyone has any advice on what to do and how to go about choosing between the, please let me know

[Perna]

Is your best friend at the same location as you are or would this be two, long-distance relationships? Where was your best friend while you were meeting and dating your girlfriend? Have you and your girlfriend discuss that it might happen that you meet other people at your different schools? It is not uncommon for long distance relationships not to work and it is not expected that teen relationships will necessarily continue or be permanent ones; there is so much more of the "wide world" out there that has not been experienced yet on one's own and many more people to meet and possibly date.

[manwhocantbemoved]

Originally Posted by Perna

Is your best friend at the same location as you are or would this be two, long-distance relationships? Where was your best friend while you were meeting and dating your girlfriend? Have you and your girlfriend discuss that it might happen that you meet other people at your different schools? It is not uncommon for long distance relationships not to work and it is not expected that teen relationships will necessarily continue or be permanent ones; there is so much more of the "wide world" out there that has not been experienced yet on one's own and many more people to meet and possibly date.

aye she lives down the road from me and when me and my gf first started dating me and my friend were just very close friends she talked to me about her bf at the time and i would talk to her about my gf like if things werent going well we could just turn to one another
as for my gf we never really talked about it mean I know its possible o like other people but i guess we never really vocalized it i mean neither of us have ever been..very active "daters" what i mean is ive known my gf since she was a freshman and i was a sophmore in high school and neither of us was very interesed in dating myself because I was very adamant in no being a cliche and going through high schol dating alot of crazy women and partying ect ect and she was home schooled most of her life which is why I didnt bring up the possibility of us meeting other people
also thank you for replying ive been wracking my head over this for days and finally decided to ask for help

[Perna]

I would tell the girlfriend at the other school that you are dating someone else and not her exclusively anymore. Tell her you still care for her and that you would like her to date other people at her school if she would like. I would then date the friend down the street, traditionally, and see how the two of you get on.

You do have to meet a bunch of different people to see what you like, don't like, get a wider experience of people, especially if you do not have much dating experience in your past. Rather than "commit" to one person right yet, you don't have the knowledge? It does not sound like either are "crazy women" or into partying, etc. so I wouldn't even think about that. You know that those kind of women are not your type already.

The whole exercise of dating is to get more experience and confidence interacting with other people AND learning about yourself in such experiences. You already know you don't like the "crazy women" and partying and that's a good thing to realize. Gives you a direction of sorts to look for what you do like :-)

[lynn P.]

Welcome to PC manwhocantbemoved - you sound like a very kind young man and I can hear in your post you don't want to hurt your present GF. I agree with Perna - you're young and I think you should be honest with your GF. Tell her you would like both of you to explore dating others. Its not like you're being tempted with a potential booty call and there's no other motivation....you have a genuine friendship with this lady friend. I can sense this is a hard thing for you to think about. I hope your GF will be able to handle this with grace and best of luck.

[manwhocantbemoved]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

Welcome to PC manwhocantbemoved - you sound like a very kind young man and I can hear in your post you don't want to hurt your present GF. I agree with Perna - you're young and I think you should be honest with your GF. Tell her you would like both of you to explore dating others. Its not like you're being tempted with a potential booty call and there's no other motivation....you have a genuine friendship with this lady friend. I can sense this is a hard thing for you to think about. I hope your GF will be able to handle this with grace and best of luck.

thanks to all of you truly it has been a godsend to talk to others and I told my gf the truth about what happened and she flat out forgave me saying "I love you and understand that you have feelings for her and if you're willing to work through them i am too"
so i think i should try to work it out...i think i believe if she was truly that forgiving and wants to help that she really loves me and I shouldn't let that go. any thoughts? am i doing the right thing it may sound lame but ultimately i just want to do whats right =/