[Kani-Nelekona]

I have to first admit to being nervous about putting myself out here like this, but I realize I have to take the risk of doing so if I'm going to help myself...

And I also know (to borrow Dr. Phils words...) I can't change what I don't acknowledge - and I'm acknowledging that by putting myself out here...

Enough said...

I've known for years I suffer from mild-moderate bipolar disorder, mixed with depression. I've had that diagnosed, but I've not been in treatment for about 8 years at least...

Luckily I've managed to stay glued together, and have enough control of my mental state that I've been able to keep my sanity intact...

I've been in a very long distance relationship with a woman in the Philippines. We've been a couple for 10 years, and for me it's been a totally monogamous, and I would like to think the same for her...

But the panic/anxiety attacks I've been having about the relationship have been increasing in frequency, duration and intensity. In the past they've come and gone reasonably easily and not lasted very long - but that's changed as described here...

My days are pure emotional hell, from the time I get up in the morning, until I go to bed at night...

And frankly I'm tired of the pain, and upset this is causing me - it's having an effect on my relationship, and has me poised to go confrontational with her based on some rather upsetting things a relative of hers has told me...

And none of it has been substantiated as being fact - but it's enough to have me poised right on the edge of going confrontational...

I'm afraid I've jumped to conclusions that might very likely have no basis in fact, and I want to stop myself before I make the mistake of doing what may very well end up with me making a fool of myself...

I'm tired of the pain of this, and I want to fix it because I know it's within my power to fix it...

And I know I'm likely not the only one out there with this problem...

I want to get it fixed, get it right, and rid myself of the panic/anxiety attacks that are taking over my life...

I hope this all makes sense to those who read it...

I'm not currently on any meds, and not in any kind of treatment. I have no insurance, and the local mental health people here - well what I'd like to say about them isn't fit to print,and I'll leave it at that...

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Kani-Nelekona

I've known for years I suffer from mild-moderate bipolar disorder, mixed with depression. I've had that diagnosed, but I've not been in treatment for about 8 years at least...

Go see a doctor. You don't have to suffer.

[Kani-Nelekona]

Originally Posted by Perna

Go see a doctor. You don't have to suffer.

That's true, but I have no means to pay. Nowadays they all want $$$ or want to know if you have insurance...

[Perna]

If you are in a long distance relationship and have flown there or paid for her to come here, pay for prescription meds (which I hope you are getting from a doctor and you do have to see that doctor for them), you can afford to see about your health, first. Nothing can get better if you do not put yourself and your health first and give it priority?

[Kani-Nelekona]

Originally Posted by Perna

If you are in a long distance relationship and have flown there or paid for her to come here, pay for prescription meds (which I hope you are getting from a doctor and you do have to see that doctor for them), you can afford to see about your health, first. Nothing can get better if you do not put yourself and your health first and give it priority?

I just started on meds last week. I'm on my way! (~SMILE~)

And I'm excited about getting better...