What was the point in taking the high road?

((((Gothgirl7)))))),

That is why I took the time to share so much with you. I have been on the inside of a group and I have been a victim of this type of thing myself. And YES it does hurt, I hear you. And the story I told you about what happened in my girlscout troop was Even Worse because it was done to my little six year old child as well. I was a GOOD leader and took a lot of time to fix up my basement into a nice classroom and I played the guitar and sang and wrote songs too. The fact that I was abandoned for something I truely could not help (husband getting sober) felt awful and talk about alone? Oh I was so scared trying to learn about alcoholism and what to do and how to try to support my husband while he was going to AA meetings and working on staying sober. And when my husband wasn't working he was going to meetings so I was truely alone and trying to find a way to help my daughter have some kind of friends. My daughter just did NOT understand it at all. And I could not believe how MEAN some people can be.

Oh, I know how much it hurts and I couldn't get closure either at the time. BUT, I kept trying as lonely as I was to try to find other people to be friendly with. And I had to find another troop for my daughter to be in where she had a chance to at least make a couple of friends. Boy, was that a tough time in my life looking back. But I DID end up meeting some nice people who were even sympathec and helpful. It did not happen overnight though. And as I look back what that did is start me down a new path in my life and that path ended up becoming a very good path that opened up a whole new world for me AND my daughter. And it was actually better that I didn't stay with this socialite friend that decided I was to be discarded for something I couldn't help.

And I ended up doing very well, even though she had decided I was somehow unacceptable and I know that she eventually regretted HER decision to cast me aside and reject me. And I didn't continue on with an "I will get her back attitude" either.

Hey, I know that it is going to take time for you to get through this, even have anger, even be sad too. I hear you. And though I can advise like other posters to "let go and move on" and I know that is definitely good advice. I also know that HURT is HURT and it is never easy to be rejected somehow.

Gothgirl, you are going to have to really dig deep and make a decision that YOU are going to move on and walk away from this somehow. And believe me, I really know how deep you have to dig. But if you can do that and get on with your life, eventually you will find a different path that may really be so much better for you that would have never happened had you stayed in that group with those people. I know you don't see that now, but it will come down the road for you.

((((((Hugs))))))
Open Eyes

Thank you for you story. It's just hard to believe that these people are adults right? I thought I left high school years ago. Urgh

Oh, YES I hear you! That comes to my mind too when I deal with this kind of situation, ADULTS do it ALOT. I think that high school is only a place where many people learn to develope their skills at this as well.

And I HATE when people told me to "RISE ABOVE". Because lets face it, first of all it really HURTS and second of all it isn't just so easy to RISE ABOVE. And to be honest, IT CAN BE DOWN RIGHT CRUEL TOO. I can't blame you for being angry about that, you are right it is COLD AND CALLUS. And YES it also seems like it should have been left back in some high school somewhere.

Well, the truth is that the basic desire for primates, all primates is to exist in groups and there is always a pecking order. And, infact this is the way it is for MOST if NOT ALL mammels that exist in groups and even what is called packs. There is always some kind of leader figure and then the group settles into these different roles around the leader. ANY new animal/human that is introduced into ANY group is carefully examined in ways that we don't always realize. If someone joins a group and is outgoing and independant in anyway, THAT CAN BE A THREAT. And things take place amongst the group that whomever enters is often not truely aware of. And if the LEADER decides that in someway that new person is unacceptable, well, the rest will follow that decision and in that maintain and groom their position within that group.
It is actually unbelievably primitive.

Lets say this guy was the leader, you say he is popular? Well any girl that comes into this scenario and starts to feel comfortable and might even be just a little bit strong, IS A THREAT. And honestly?, what happens ALOT is that these popular guys often end up picking a girl that is not really ALL THAT and can even be DUMB or HOMELY. At that is because HE IS NOT GOING TO SHARE THE LIMELIGHT OR RULE over the group. It all depends on how much his EGO will allow.

And this can take place in families as well. And for the youngest or lowest on that totem pole, it can be very difficult and HARD to be an independant individual.

One of the things that ALWAYS bothered me is how people that I don't agree with somehow, dont let me JUST WALK AWAY. They follow me and seem to need to continue their attacks on me. This woman socialite that I talk about, she kept up finding ways to prevent me and my daughter from BEING ACCEPTED "ANYWHERE ELSE". I walked AWAY from her, MOVED ON, and that was NOT ENOUGH FOR HER.

Now she lives next to me and her house is away from mine because of the land. BUT SHE INSISTED ON COMING TO THE EDGE OF MY LAND TO CONSTANTLY SEE WHAT I WAS UP TO AND DOING WITH MY FARM. It was really creepy to be honest. And it was another neighbor that told me that whenever I was gone she would do this. And I make sure that I do NOT travel in the same circles as she does and IT DOESN'T MATTER.

And my daughter was a target too. Any child that she befriended, this woman's daughter would try to move in and see if she could somehow PUSH this other child away. My daughter had to deal with this right through high school. And this was so bazaar to me and I heard these other girls and my daughter TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE FRIENDS AROUND THIS. And this woman didn't care if she really liked people or not, if they were friends with me or my daughter?, she tried to claim them away. Talk about bazaar!!!!

And WOW, I never had met anyone like her (so I thought) and it really troubled me alot. But the bottom line is that because I was so independant and had my own ways somehow, I was just some kind of threat, even if I went out of my way to travel in different circles, it didn't matter.

Yes, in may ways I did "RISE ABOVE" but I guess if you want some kind of revenge, that is what works the best, EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT IT TO BE THAT WAY OR THAT IS NOT YOUR GOAL.

I have come to conclude that some people never forget if their EGO is somehow threatened in someway. It can be a challenge to figure people out and YES they can be CRUEL and even have ways of justifying that too.

And as far as you being able to DISCUSS "YOUR" SIDE? It isn't going to happen and is a waste of time, THEY SIMPLY DON'T CARE they have made their decision, what you have to say, whatever that may be will simply be ignored.

Open Eyes

I'd really still want to call them a pack of sheep anyway. What would you do?