[Purple Mist]

i feel extremely discouraged about not having enough confidence to call my older sister and have a conversation with her
growing up she was always the best at everything, got the best grades, amazing athletic ability, ambitious, out going, not afraid to be herself
im the complete opposite, tried to compete with her for our parents approval but the harder i tried to outshine her the more lost i felt
i want a better relationship with my older sister but i can't bring myself to be all warm and fuzzy with her and its killing me that i can't tell her how i really feel without turning into jello

[Leed]

How DO you really feel about her? It's hard trying to compete with someone. My older sister was always smarter than me too. She got much better grades, was better at music (my passion) and was my parents' pet too. I just couldn't compete with her, and not only that -- I didn't LIKE her cause she tormented me. From the time I was little until even now, she's always tormented me. Because of that I've always disliked her. That's why I ask how you really feel about your sister. Do you resent her for being better at everything and getting your parents' approval?

Now that you're older, just be yourself and don't try to be LIKE her. You don't have to try to impress ANYONE -- not even your sister! If you want to have a talk with your sister, just call her and perhaps arrange a day to have coffee or a coke together. Just tell her what you FEEL without making any big production out of it. LOL Let her know you want a relationship with her -- with no competition. I'm sure it will turn out fine .

I wish you the best. Let us know how it comes out. Don't be nervous -- if she's any kind of sister at all, she'll welcome the idea! God bless & please take care. Hugs, Lee

[essexgirl]

Hello Purple Mist, i think just try and tell her
how you honestly feel as your both equal as each
other no matter about achievements etc. Everyone
has their own talents as well as personality so your
just on the same level so never feel your not up to her
standard as your special too. . xxx

[lido78]

You mention how accomplished your sister is but you don't say how she treats you...is she a good sister or have you had problems in the past? Even though I'd normally encourage you to just tell her how you feel, if she's not a very nice person, this could make you feel worse...I have had this situation from time to time with my sister, so I tend not to discuss with her how I feel about our relationship and try to keep conversations more on common ground. It would be great to have a close relationship with family but if she's not that nice to you, you may have to find a "sisterly" bond that makes you feel good with another woman.

Also, rather than competing, maybe focus on things that you really enjoy...things that you don't have to be "better" than anyone at doing....You may also find that expanding your general social group (new friends, friends of different ages and backgrounds) can help with confidence as you learn to better interact with other people...

At that point, you may then feel more comfortable/confident about talking to her...I'm not sure I'd open up the discussion until you're prepared to be dismissed....If you're okay with that possibility and really just want to get things off your chest...maybe have a friend that you can call right after just for some support.

Good luck!

[Purple Mist]

Originally Posted by lido78

You mention how accomplished your sister is but you don't say how she treats you...is she a good sister or have you had problems in the past? Even though I'd normally encourage you to just tell her how you feel, if she's not a very nice person, this could make you feel worse...I have had this situation from time to time with my sister, so I tend not to discuss with her how I feel about our relationship and try to keep conversations more on common ground. It would be great to have a close relationship with family but if she's not that nice to you, you may have to find a "sisterly" bond that makes you feel good with another woman.

Also, rather than competing, maybe focus on things that you really enjoy...things that you don't have to be "better" than anyone at doing....You may also find that expanding your general social group (new friends, friends of different ages and backgrounds) can help with confidence as you learn to better interact with other people...

At that point, you may then feel more comfortable/confident about talking to her...I'm not sure I'd open up the discussion until you're prepared to be dismissed....If you're okay with that possibility and really just want to get things off your chest...maybe have a friend that you can call right after just for some support.

Good luck!

growing up she treated me like any other older sibling would, we had our ups and downs but it was harder for us both because since i was disabled there wasn't many things she could do with me when we were little. i couldn't run or do anything that strained my leg muscles
i guess i feel guilty that i couldn't be the sister that she deserves which really crushes me, she deserves a sibling who is 100% normal and not have any physical or emotional limitations

[insideout]

I think you should find an effective strategy. don't be afraid to try out different ones. search online for conflict resolution strategies. here's a cool diagram about conflicts: http://www.westbrookstevens.com/Pictures/confli1.jpg here's the main website that shows some useful techniques. http://www.westbrookstevens.com/conflict_management.htm(this info is geared toward workplace conflict resolution but there is useful info for all kinds of relationships. IMO)

[lido78]

Originally Posted by Purple Mist

growing up she treated me like any other older sibling would, we had our ups and downs but it was harder for us both because since i was disabled there wasn't many things she could do with me when we were little. i couldn't run or do anything that strained my leg muscles
i guess i feel guilty that i couldn't be the sister that she deserves which really crushes me, she deserves a sibling who is 100% normal and not have any physical or emotional limitations

I'm not sure that anyone deserves any particular type of sister and, as an older sister, I never would have had a problem if my sister had been disabled in any way...actually, I might have been the one to feel a bit guilty that I'd been the one blessed with good health...but, no matter the ups and downs that my sister and I have (last year, we didn't speak for three months), I do still lover her no matter what she does or what she says. It sounds as if your sister is just a pretty normal older sister...so, I think maybe you should try to speak with her about how you feel...If it doesn't work out, then you will have at least expressed yourself.