[iluvcats]

I am on my second marriage since 2004 and things have been rocky for along time. i have 2 girls from my first marriage but they consider my current husband their dad. They are 15 and 12yrs old. Last summer i met a man online for just innocent conversation as my husband was rarely emotionally or mentally available to me. I soon developed into a relationship. He is married but will be divorced next month and wants to move near me. We have met several times so it's not like i've never met him. I've talked to his son, brother, and his best friend. I have told my husband that i'm not in love with him and he knows about the other man. The trouble i'm having is deciding what i should do. One daughter wants me to stay in my current relationship no matter how i feel. I'm scared of turning my kids against me, I don't want to hurt my husband because i do care for him, but I want to be with my lover. Do I stay in a marriage where I'm not in love with my husband for the sake of the kids and for his sake or do i do what feels right in my heart? If i could turn back time i never would have let this happen, but he is the best thing in the world and makes me happy even when we've had arguements. Any advice?

[IceCreamKid]

My advice is to break it off with your internet boyfriend and start marital counseling with your husband. I think your heart has been telling you things you want to hear but not the things you need to hear.

[Bella01]

When two people who are married to other people divorce and marry the rate for sucess is very low.

Stay with your husband and get help with your marriage.

Are you in love with your husband, or not, or are confused? I think you should seek counseling alone, and decide from there what you want to do. I would think it would be very confusing have a husband and a lover.

But if you are not in love with your husband, why stay with him? On the other hand, why leave one relationship and move straight into the next? I'm just thinking out loud here. I would not stay in a relationship for the sake of my kids, I rarely ever hear positive outcomes from that. Some issues can be worked on, forcing yourself to "love" someone isn't workable.

Counseling to sort yourself out is what I would do. I would also maybe cut ties with the lover for now too. He is also just leaving a relationship, what are the odds this will work out?

[Leed]

I agree with IceCreamKid --- you're not giving your marriage a chance. Your daughter is right.

When you started chatting with this guy, were you looking for another man? Why? Were you already having trouble in the marriage? Instead of looking, why not seek marriage counseling?

You husband undoubtedly loves you. If he's not emotionally available, maybe he doesn't know how. Counseling would help both of you. It would certainly help you BOTH to communicate, plus it would strengthen your marriage. Give it a chance and end this communication with this online guy. It might seem exciting now, but believe me, it wouldn't last.

Give your marriage the chance it deserves. Your kids love this man, and they DESERVE a father. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee