[loumitchell]

I have been in a relationship with a married man for a little over 2 years. We are engaged. He first contacted me while I was talking to a friend of his that I had met online. He got my number and told me if things didn't work out between me and his friend that he would like a chance. He was supposedly seperated when we got together. He ended up moving in with me a month after we were together. He had wanted to move in and I gave in. 3 months after being together he up and left on his son's birthday. I was devestated and went up to the house where he was staying and knocked on the door. He came to the door and I asked him what was going on. His wife was there at that time. I asked him what he wanted and he told me in front of her that he was there for the kids and didn't love her anymore. He said that he loved me and wanted to be with me, but also wanted his kids. We talked for a couple weeks and he left them and came back to me. He lived with me for 6 months, but we argued alot because I didn't trust him and knew he was talking to her. I had got him a phone and could view phone calls and messages that were sent and received. He never talked to her in front of me. I found a message that said I can't talk right now I will call you tonight while I was going to be at work. He said he was just talking to her so that he could talk to his kids. He ended up leaving again while I was gone one day. He was sick and ended up being put in the hospital for 10 days after he left. He called me less than a month later after leaving and we ended up getting back together. We have been back together for a year and a half. He said he was staying with a friend of his. Since we've been back together we've had our arguements. Mainly because he hasn't moved back in with me. He lives about 2 hours away. In November of 2011 I cheated on him. I did this 3 times with the same guy. In December 2011 he cheated with a 22 year old. I am 32 and he will be 40. I found this out from the 22 year old. He had made Valentines day plans with her and ended up staying with me for Valentines day. She got mad because he told her that his sister was dying. She found out he was still married and went and confronted his wife. His wife apparently told her about me and she tried to add me as a friend on facebook. I asked her is she knew me and asked if she was friends with my fiancee. She told me that she had just broke up with him on Valentines day and went and confronted his wife. I asked him about her and he said she was lying. I went and me her and she showed me texts and let me listen to voicemails saying that he loved her and was calling her honey and baby like he does me. I ended up taking him back, but stayed in contact with her. She says he was trying to get her back, but she has no proof of that. She told me one night that he was going to the bar and he knew she was going to be there. I went up there and he wouldn't even talk to her. I watched him for about 4 hours without him knowing I was there. I let her know I was there about 30 minutes before the bar closed. I told her to go talk to him. He told her to go sit on her own side of the bar. She is not attractive and is full of drama. This made me feel worse actually because I didn't know why he would cheat on me with someone like her. I know he is still living with his wife, but he says he wants a divorce. He told her in front of her, I, my friend and his mom and sister that he didn't love her and that he wanted to be with me when he left the first time. I have tried breaking up with him 4 times in the past 2 weeks, but he won't leave quit texting me and calling me. He tells me he loves me and that he wants to marry me. That if I quit *****ing at him all the time and accusing him of doing things hes not doing that I will lose him. He tells me good luck finding someone else because no one will put up with my crap. After I take him back he apologizes for saying those kind of things to me. I love him more than anything and can't let him go. He has told me if I break up with him and he comes down here with someone else that I better leave him alone. The past 2 weeks I have changed my *****ing trying to make things better and he has become more loving. This is the way I want things to be, but I want him down here with me and for him to get a divorce if he wants me as bad as he says he does. He owns his own business and it is moveable, but he says he has to have money built up in order to keep it going if he comes down here. The 22 year old text me yesterday telling me she still loves him and wants him back. She does stuff to try and get me to break up with him so that he will go back to her. I don't know what to do. I have alot invested in this relationship....feelings, love, and money. I paid the retainer for him to get a divorce, paid his car, gave him money, bought him clothes. I don't know what to do. He did call about a job down here recently because I called the place and asked. I am so confused and love him with all my heart. Please give me some advise.

[Leed]

I hate to tell you this, but this man has the best of both worlds. He has a wife, children and a mistress -- you. You give him money, buy him clothes, pay his bills -- and then he can go HOME to his family. Why should he get a divorce??? He'd be crazy.

Don't expect him to file for divorce any time soon. He's got it too good! After you leave him, he'll just find another woman who will do the same things for him as you do. I'm SURE he's done this before. There's no doubt in my mind. He's just too smooth.

Get away from this guy while your self-esteem is semi-intact. Find a man who is NOT married, and is free to be TOTALLY with you and ONLY you. Don't get involved with married men! They are NOT available.

Best of luck & God bless. Hugs, Lee

[faerie_moon_x]

I couldn't read the whole thing because it is hard for me to read. But, from what I read the answer is: Yes.

This man is wrong for you. This man is a jerk. Leed is right, he has his cake and eats it too. Both you and his wife should dump him.

Also cheating on you. So he's cheating on his mistress. And you cheated on him... I mean, the whole relationship is a train wreck.

You need to end it. Also, if you're with a guy who has kids he always has to talk to his ex even if they are divorced. That's what happens. But, he shouldn't be having a wife, a mistress, and a girlfriend.

My advice is to get single and stay single and figure out yourself and be strong as yourself alone. Then stay away from married men.

[Harley47]

I'm going to agree and say it's in your best interest to dump this guy and never look back.

Think about this: He says he loves you, he wants to be with you, and he wants to marry you. I don't mean this rudely, but what makes marriage with you so much different than marriage to his wife now? He doesn't seem to mind cheating on her...or already cheating on you. What makes you think he won't later on?

I hope that didn't come off as harsh. That wasn't my intention.

Additionally, I think he's baiting you. He's trying to implant the notion in your head that you'll never find someone like him (and for your sake, I hope he's right...he's scum). He blames your arguments on things you've done wrong. But when you comply, when you let him do what he wants, THEN he cares. That's not how it's supposed to work.

Truly, I think the best thing to do is go and never look back on this guy.

[lad007]

I am sorry for your troubles. But you can't be engaged to someone who is legally married. It doesn't matter what he says about not loving her, etc. I'm sure she is getting a totally different story. Truth be told, this is another woman's husband, and they have kids. So you are free to find your own husband. He is a serial cheater, and won't change. So save yourself a lot of heartache and find a man who treats you like a princess, not this guy. I wish you luck.