[Elfletho]

I was with my boyfriend (we'll call him Luke) for almost 4 years and during the first year met another person (we'll call him Tim) who I have liked since, and he has liked me, but Luke hates him. I have made various attempts to get him out my life, all to no avail.

During this first year I was desperately unhappy, as Luke did not treat me well at all, which lead to me cheating on him although not with Tim.
After all this I have been happy ever since with Luke but I felt we had trouble conversing (I am very talkative compared to him) and felt I had a much better time with Tim. As well as this, I've also has self-confidence issues with Luke as he used to point out certain things that I haven't been able to move on from very well.


Late last year, Tim and I began talking again. It made me think that Luke and I didn't have very good communication skills and that we were both too different just because Tim and I got on SO well. At the time, I loved Luke’s company but I thought it was wrong that I got on with Tim so much better so I left Luke but I told him it was just because we were too different.
After this, I met up with Tim again a few times and although I said nothing could happen yet, we ended up kissing and he kept trying to pressure me to do more. I kept refusing but after a while gave in and have regretted it so much ever since.
Now I’ve realised I’ve made a huge mistake and just want Tim back but I feel like the worst person on the planet for treating him like this as he is such a wonderful person and so loving and caring, and he doesn’t deserve it at all.

I don’t know whether there is now far too much water under the bridge to go back and can’t bare hurting him more as I would have to tell him everything, or whether to leave it and just move on. I don’t know whether he would take me back and now I have no idea how to handle the situation.

I also just want to stop hating myself over it all.

[Harley47]

Bless your heart...I am sorry.

For clarification, at what point did you lose Tim? I understand that you regretted it (and I don't like the fact he pressured you into something you weren't ready for...I'll get to that later), but did that cause you to break up?

If that's the case, I'm not sure you have much to feel bad for. He pressured you to do something you weren't ready for, and you have a right to feel bad about that. HE should feel bad for pressuring you, as I see it, but that's me...part of me can't help but wonder if he exploited you and your emotional state after breaking up with Luke for his own gain, which I neither respect nor approve of. I don't know enough to make certain that judgement based on what I have though...it's only merely my suspicions, and my general disapproval of anyone "pressuring" anyone to do something they don't want to do themselves.

If you wanted Tim back, if it were me, I'd sit him down, explain how you felt and why, etc etc. It would be better to lay it all out and explain why you felt that way than to try and skirt around it, but that's me.

I hope I was of some help. Please don't hate yourself over this.

[Rob1210]

I think you meant you want Luke back? If so I have to feel that it wouldn't be right. Especially if he knows everything that went on between you and Tim.
Speaking from my own experience of getting back with an ex after being with other people, there's always the elephant in the room. As soon as an argument arises, boom, there it is. With us at least, we couldn't get passed it and ended up miserable for a few more months before ending it for the second time.
This is just my personal POV. If you want him back, maybe ask to meet up with him, open up to him about how you feel, what you've done. If he's willing to accept that and wants you back too, then great. If not then at least you know where you stand don't hate yourself though, we all do things we later regret. Just put it down as a bad experience, one to learn from.