[SolutionIsProcess]

I wanted to ask for some outside feedback on this...

There is a woman who I've known for four months, and we became exclusive a couple of weeks ago. We did not meet through the dating personals, although we later saw each other's profiles on there.

I haven't logged on in a couple of weeks, but grew suspicious when she cancelled our plans for this morning, and so I logged on just to see, and sure enough she was just online a handful of hours prior.

I confronted her on the phone about this and she was startled. She said she had not logged on prior to today, and was bored. Some minutes later, she admitted to having logged on a few times, and that she likes to keep in touch with people from there, including female friends and some single guys. Incredibly, she has been meeting up with said guys and has not mentioned it to me (but she does normally mention what she's done with her day).

I expressed to her how uncomfortable this all made me feel, and she basically said it was my problem, and that I was jealous. She actually said my jealousy was unhealthy to the relationship! But I think anyone would naturally feel as I do in this situation, and the way that she is responding does not reflect someone who wants to be in a committed relationship. What gets me is that it is somehow a me problem and not a we problem. She got really quiet when I asked her what's going on and such, and became defensive. I got frustrated, hung up, and am not sure how to proceed at this point.

I'm glad she has a social life where she can meet some of her personal needs without me. I know I have the same, but it does not involve having a profile up on a dating site. That, to me, combined with all the sneakiness, seems really suspicious. Moreso, her reaction to my concerns about this seem more concerned with keeping the profile up than they do with me being uncomfortable. What does that say about our relationship?

So what would others do in my situation?

[Leed]

The fact that she's been 'sneaky' about this and basically turned it around and put it on YOU says to me that she doesn't really want to be in a committed relationship. And then to have actually MET UP with these guys is kind of a slap in the face.

Just my opinion, but I don't think I'd spent a lot of time on this relationship. I think you're just going to get hurt more and more. I'd say goodbye and find someone who feels for me the same as I feel.

Sorry this happened to you but better to find out fairly early than a year or two down the road. Best of luck and God bless. Please take care! Hugs, Lee

[bowhunt72]

I have to second what Lee said. This does not sound like a person who wants to be in an exclusive committed relationship. You made your concerns known, and she let you know what she thinks of your concerns. I suggest moving on instead of investing more in this woman and possibly being hurt even worse in the future.

[Trippin2.0]

I'd RUN... If she was meeting up with friends from fb or msn or whatever, I could've given her the benefit of the doubt, but a dating site, where her profile is still active? A no no in my book, plus major points deducted for being sneaky, defensive and turning it on you. She doesn't even own up to what she's done. This lady is definitly keeping her options open. Goodluck

[unaluna]

I think 3 to 4 months is kind of soon to become exclusive. It takes me that long to know if I want to just be friends with someone. I know people often sleep together before that point, but that doesn't mean the r/s is deep, it just means you've rushed parts of it. Two wrongs don't make a right. You're both still clearly uncomfortable with who the other is, as a person. Take it slower next time?

[LadyShadow]

I agree what everyone is saying here. As a woman, personally, if I become exclusive with someone there is NO NEED to be on a dating site, you know? Facebook and AOL chat and some of the other social media sites aren't bad because it's just about making friends. I know my boyfriend had his eharmony profile up for several months after we became exclusive, but he wasn't out meeting women. And even if he was I never "caught" him in a lie like you have.

That is betrayal my friend, of your trust. This doesn't sound like someone who wants to be in a serious relationship with you like you want. Don't keep hurting yourself, you deserve to be happy!

Trust your instincts.
Sounds like trouble...run forrest run!
Big hugs.