[chipperdear]

Things are starting to get a bit interesting between me and a coworker. We've been playing around with the idea of going on a date soon if our work schedules allow for it. He seems like a pretty good guy. The problem is physical. I'm pretty inexperienced (I've never even made out with anyone before , although I've had sex twice many years ago - figure that one out if you can, because I can't), but he's divorced and has a child, so he obviously has much more experience than I do. I suppose you could label what I'm feeling as performance anxiety and a "I'm not good enough" complex. I've always figured I would be able to solve the problem I have with this stuff before I really ever had to face my fears of being considered horrible *performance*-wise, but this seems to be sneaking up out of nowhere and I'm not sure how to handle this situation. I don't want to look like an idiot by telling him I have no clue what I'm doing at my age, but I don't want to NOT say anything and still look like an idiot because I don't know what I'm doing. Any advice?

[bowhunt72]

Just go with the flow and don't do anything you're uncomfortable with. If this is your first date not much is likely to happen anyway, unless the physical is all he wants. If that's the case, tell him you're uncomfortable and ask him to stop or just leave. The idea is to enjoy your time together on a date, not to meet some physical performance standard. Good luck and enjoy.

[Freefall1974]

And maybe make sure there is no policy at your job about dating co-workers. If, for some reason you do start dating and it doesn't work out will you OK continuing to work with them?

[Mike_J]

As someone who is about to be divorced and has a child, the thought of finding out that a coworker is attracted to me would be great.

I would go on the date, be honest about things if they start to head into the psychical realm. Don't rush things but don't be afraid (I know easy to say hard to do). Remember you get to set the pace don't rush things you aren't ready for. As long as you are honest (that doesn't mean telling him everything right away) you will be fine.

Good luck

[faerie_moon_x]

If he starts pushing the physical on you right away, that's not really the type of guy you should be dating. If you develop a relationship, then just be honest with him about your past. The important thing is not the difference in past experiences but the new experiences you make as a couple.

[chipperdear]

Thanks everyone! I have a bad habit of feeling like things will be worse than they actually are, so seeing others look at it a bit more realistically helps a lot.I know I'll still be nervous and a bit paranoid about it, but I need to stop over-analyzing and remind myself that if I was the more experienced one, it wouldn't bother me at all if someone was less experienced/didn't know what they were doing. I'm more critical of myself and expect others to be more critical of me than I would be of anyone else.

[dailyhealing]

I'm glad you are feeling a bit better about this. And I would agree that honesty is the best policy. Don't necessarily share things you aren't comfortable sharing, but if the time does come where the physical part may happen I think it's healthy to talk openly about your feelings.