[bowhunt72]

To all those who have suffered through reading about my soap opera/train wreck of relationship issues lately, I thought I would offer a slightly positive update. For starters, there has been no more contact from the girlfriend since I foolishly and disastrously responded to her last message. I shut down that line of communication so she can no longer contact me in that way. I doubt she remembers my cell phone number because it was just programmed into the smart phone I gave her under my name, and the calm, mature, even tempered boyfriend physically destroyed the phone. He also smashed the computer she messaged me on. Nice show of maturity there, 60 year old boyfriend. Anyway, I think she is totally out of the picture at last.

My wife and I are almost legally separated. All the paperwork is done and signed, we just have to wait for a court hearing next month to make it all final. We are on good terms overall, still talking on the phone several times a day and seeing each other several times a week. As unlikely as it sounds, I really do think we have a good chance to save this marriage as long as I don't do any more stupid things to blow it.

We have bought each other books on healing a marriage after an affair. The one she gave me yesterday was a little bit of a downer - I found a few things I'm doing right, but a lot more I'm doing wrong. Trying to learn and keep my frustration under control for now. My wife and my therapist agree that I haven't healed enough yet to start marriage counseling together, but we want to start as soon as as everyone agrees that I'm healed enough and stable enough and her counselor thinks she's ready too. We aren't really setting any kind of deadlines or time limits. The only thing we've agreed on is that we don't want to renew my apartment lease when it's up in January, but even that isn't set in stone.

I've agreed to be totally open and honest with her, even when the questions are uncomfortable. She got to asking about what the girlfriend's lingerie looked like and preferred positions and activities a few nights ago. I just told her if she really thought knowing would help her heal I would tell her. She said not knowing is what really hurt her before, so I answered honestly and completely. It was very uncomfortable, but if it helps her heal I'll answer anything she wants.

We're taking this one step at a time, very slowly, realizing that there will be setbacks as emotions and bad memories come up. I think we really do have a chance to make it. If we don't, at least I'll know I gave it all I had and maybe someone else will come along in the future to appreciate all the work I've done on healing myself. Top choice is still saving the marriage, though. All I can do is just keep working on myself and hope we both choose each other again.

[lynn P.]

Thanks for sharing and it sounds like you're making positive progress. Very good you're both talking honestly and open. I hope this will bring healing and you'll both rebuild a better relationship. If not then at least learn from it. From my experience - there will still be some down points as feelings resurface occasionally. Best of luck to both of you.

Originally Posted by bowhunt72

...If we don't, at least I'll know I gave it all I had and maybe someone else will come along in the future to appreciate all the work I've done on healing myself. Top choice is still saving the marriage, though. All I can do is just keep working on myself and hope we both choose each other again.

((((Bow))))You've worked so hard. That is all you have to do...give it your all and know it / feel it that you've done everything you can do. Also, keep focusing on you and healing. It's like when you go to your job or on a run, you focus 110% on "give me strength to save a life, Whatever be its age." That is YOU, ((((Bow)))). Saving that life.

[faerie_moon_x]

I hope all continues to go well for you. I haven't been able to read all of your posts in entirety, but I've been reading what I can. I really do hope things turn out positively.