[Seshat]

(TW just in case)

About two years ago I felt that my last my last "almost boyfriend", who was also my best friend, had been using me and that's why I decided to permanently say no to his idea of "staying friends". Even though I felt that I was in love with him and he knew that and he supposedly felt the same, I promised myself I'd go for the no-contact-rule, as they call it, no matter what he said. Obviously, he tried to dissuade me from it but I didn't change my mind. I e-mailed him saying I wouldn't keep in touch anymore and I asked him the same. I just didn't feel like staying friends with him. After all, I had been avoiding him ever since he suddenly "dumped" me 5 years ago (he e-mailed me saying he couldn't do it and something along the lines of "I never felt anything but friendship for you and I think I don't know you that much but we should be friends", which didn't make sense to me) but he didn't understand.

We've got a few mutual acquaintances and it turns out the other day one of them told me he had asked her to say happy birthday on his behalf. That's the last thing I need. Of course it's not her fault because she doesn't even know that I had a thing going on with the guy. I don't miss him and I'm better off without him and it's not as if I wished something bad upon him, but the problem is this is not the first time he tries to break the no contact rule although he is perfectly aware that I don't want to hear about him ever again and for some reason it really gets to me. I'm thinking it's because I haven't gotten over the resentment.

I'm really sad and angry right now. It's been a few days and I thought I would be able to shrug it off, but I can't. The whole birthday thing is really complicated for me per se. I know birthdays are important, but I never make a really big deal out of my birthday. I'm ok if people simply call or e-mail wishing me a happy birthday. I don't need anything else. Plus, as a shy person, I hate parties, and I'm not a fan of receiving presents either, but nobody in my family understands and they do a little get together every year even though they know I never feel like it, and I always end up pretending I feel great because I don't want to hurt their feelings. I was already having a hard time and he made it worse.

Thanks for reading.

[Leed]

It's obvious he was thinking about you since he remembered your birthday, but I wouldn't let it bother you so much. Remember that "resentment is the poison I take to kill you." He doesn't even KNOW you resent him so much! So who's the resentment hurting?? YOU! Don't let him live rent free in your head.

Just figure he was trying to be "friendly" and let it go at that, and get on with your life. Hopefully you won't have to deal with him anymore. But even tho this bothers you alot, I suspect you still DO have some feelings for him.

God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Seshat]

Thanks a lot, Lee. I don't think he's being friendly. I think he's trying to pretend everything is ok so that our mutual acquiantances won't judge him. Of course I'd never tell them what happened but he is the kind of person that expects people to look up to him and like him. Everything you posted about resentment is true. The thing is I just can't get rid of it.