Family dinner - real life progress

When I said a couple of days ago that I planned to quietly disappear for a while to work on the RL side of my relationships, I didn't expect progress this soon. I said I'd post when there was anything worth posting about, so...

I got a call from my wife yesterday afternoon that my kids (16 y/o boy, 14 y/o girl) wanted to know if she could bring them over to my place for dinner. I've had dinner at our house a few times since we decided to try to put the marriage back together, but they have never come to dinner at my apartment, the den of evil where I lived with my lover while my affair was still going on. My daughter has only been here once, my son never at all. I said sure and made the nicest dinner I could on my extremely limited resources. Keep in mind this was only two days after my daughter told me she doesn't like me, doesn't trust me, and doesn't think I deserve to move back home. We had a nice dinner together as a family, the first time I have eaten with them in many months that I didn't feel like a semi-unwanted guest in the house that I pay for. Just a simple dinner, but it sure felt like progress to me.

I also found out that my wife has called to make an appointment to interview a T I have already talked with to see if she is the right one to help us through marriage counseling. She hasn't gotten a call back from the T yet, just her office, but she's willing to take my recommendation assuming her questions are answered satisfactorily. So we could be starting therapy together as soon as a week or two from now. We have no idea what kind of timetable we're looking at, and we have a lot of things we want to discuss and figure out solutions to before I try to move back home. We used the analogy that our marriage was already like a cracked and breaking plate to start with, and then I went and shattered it all to pieces with my affair. I want someone smarter than me, someone who I'm paying for her expertise, to help supervise putting it back together. It would be too easy to get it wrong if we try to do it by ourselves. Any way you look at it, getting expert help sooner means getting out of my rathole apartment and back into my real house sooner, hopefully with a more functional marriage and family in the process. Don't know how long it will be, but I'm willing to work at it as long as I know we are both committed to restoring the marriage not just back to where it was before the affair, but to a place good enough that an affair will never be a threat to us again.

Affair proofing our marriage is going to take a lot of work on communication and on appreciating each other, because we both list feeling taken for granted among the top three things that bother us about the other person. I have to take the ego hit of trusting my wife's judgment and staying away from any female she feels could be a threat, probably for the rest of my life. I have my own list of things I want to ask of her, but I'm keeping my mouth shut because I was the guilty one in this area, not her. I don't ever want to feel like I want an affair again, because in all honesty the best an affair can get is only somewhere close to the way a good marriage feels, and it doesn't stay that way for long. I want the real thing again, for life this time.

So that's where I stand for now. I will probably still be keeping a low profile for a while, but I wanted my friends here to know that I really am making progress in my relationships with my wife and family in real life. Thanks to all who have read and responded to my posts.

That's great Bow!!

I'm glad that dinner went well and that it happened. Your daughter is still just upset, and that's understandable. One good thing is that she is communicating how she is feeling. I'm sure she loves you, but is just hurting right now, make sure she feels heard and loved. Do you think it would be helpful if your kids had someone to talk to as well, like a counselor even through their school?

I'm glad to hear that your wife is helping take steps to find a marriage counselor with you, sounds like you two are really working together an working hard. Just as it should be. You've made so much progress since you've been here and this all happened, I hope things for you and your family continue to get better and heal.

Thanks for the update Bow, keep up the good work!

Great news BH! I'm so happy there's progress thanks for the update

That's great to hear! Having dinner together is really an 'intimate' thing. Everyone is there, sharing with one another, even if it is perhaps a bit uncomfortable. It's a big step in healing!

Thanks for the update. And I'm sure once you two get into counseling, it can only help to heal the wounds and get you both back on track. I wish you the very best ~ and please keep us informed, ok? You're in our prayers. Hugs, Lee