[palemoss]

I am at a point in my life where I just do not like my friend/roommate anymore. We've lived together for past 3 years. She is kind to me, but tends to be ignorant toward alot of cultural/political world issues. I've told her that I don't want to talk about politics, but she manages to still offend me. For example, she was telling me how she got lost in downtown Los Angeles and was lost on a street which had "skeezy mexican grocery that was really small."

Comments like that offend me because she doesn't seem to understand that groceries like that for example happen to be a community asset in neighborhoods which lack big supermarkets. I mean not to disgress, but it's comments like that which piss me off.

I feel like she is racist. For the past 3 years I kinda just ignored it, I don't know how. I guess I just had alot more going on for me and more of my friends were around.

The problem is, is that I feel guilty for feeling this. I feel guilty for not wanting to be her friend anymore.

What should I do? I want to move out but I can't break the lease (too much $). I think I may have to cont. living with her until December (when the lease is up).

[StrawberryFieldsss]

Are you *good* friends or just friends becuase youre roomates? Sometimes people that you live with can get on your nerves because youre around them all of the time. Maybe too she hasnt had the advantages that you have in being more "enlightened" (which I sincerely think your attitude is... plus you seem socially conscious, which I personally think is great).

Just throwing this out as a suggestion because its impossible to really know your situation based on your post, but what about just taking a break in being around her so much? You dont have to be friends with people you dont want to, of course, but just from my perspective ignorance is a far more forgivable "offense" than malice. If shes a good person otherwise do you really want to ditch someone that has been a good friend to you?

IDK, just some food for thought.

[Leed]

Do you think you could "enlighten" her a bit, or do you think she is TRULY racist? Could you perhaps take her to some cultural events/places and expose her to some different things/foods/etc? Perhaps like "Strawberry" said, she just hasn't had the exposure to these things like you have, and has just developed this kind of thinking thru ignorance, rather than REAL racism. If you're really friends, it might be worth the effort. If you're JUST roommates, then I don't know if you want to make the effort, but it might be worth it to change one person's bigoted attitude.

But, again like "Strawberry" said, it's food for thought. Take care ! Hugs, Lee

((((Pale)))) sometimes people just grow apart ... for whatever reason. For me, Roomie situations are really tough because it is more like being at the office. You dont really know someone until you spend an extended period of time together. Usually in the beginning, too, everyone is on their best behavior and then some time passes, everyone gets settled in, and personalities can surface that can be hard to deal with. But you are stuck with each other so you have to try to find ways to cope.

Thankfully, though, in a roomie situation you can move on...there IS a light at the end of the tunnel

If you are unable to move just now and if your friend / roomie continues with the unwanted behavior, the best thing you can do is distance yourself as much as possible.

To avoid hurt feelings and conflict, when she notices (and she will) just smile and tell her youve been super busy and focusing on a.b.c.

Perhaps after you move out if you wish to salvage what is left of the friendship you can ask her to go to dinner or out for a coffee to catch up.

After my last roommate experience, I decided no more. And I got my own place. It has its pros and cons, as well, but at least I know when I get home I wont feel aggravated or tense. It is important that your home feels like home and you feel comfort.

Wishing you the best!
Rose

[dg1983]

I'll be honest, don't hang on to relationships for the sake of being friends for such and such a time. People change and grow apart. If your efforts to get her to have a more enlightened view are not working, then it will cause you stress if you don't accept the fact that she is probably ignorant or racist. The good thing if you move out is that you won't be exposed to it on a daily basis, and may be able to salvage your relationship as a result.