[Superwoman5678]

I've been in a relationship with this guy for almost 2 years and a few months back we got engaged. We have been doing long distance for the past 5 months because of school. That has been really hard on me. I feel the constant urge to keep contacting him either via text, calls etc. Apart from that I've noticed I've starting getting really depressed lately. It usually starts when we have a fight or when I feel he isn't giving me enough attention. He claims that I have 'borderline personality'. We used to joke about that before but lately I've been convincing myself that it might be true. He is a really nice guy but sometimes he acts like a total douche and keep justifying his actions. His hurtful actions have been affecting me very deeply. I seem to have some signs of depression and it's been getting worse. The weekends are awful as I don't get out of bed till noon and spend almost all day crying. I don't know if he is the cause of my depression or it's something else. I've often wondered if I call off the engagement and leave him - would my depression get better? I feel like he has a hard time understanding me and doesn't understand why the things he does upset me. I feel like I'm trapped in this relationship and I'm setting myself up for a lifetime of sadness with him. I don't know what to do and I'm really confused. Anyone else in a similar situation or know how to deal with something like this. Thanks guys!

[glok]

"Would you be better off with him or without him?" ~Ann Landers

Welcome to the Community, Superwoman5678. Have you thought about some therapy to help you sort your feelings? Being miserable is no way to live.

I wish you the best.

[hvert]

Do you have plans to live in the same town in the near future? LDR can be very stressful.

Personally, I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who diagnosed me with a personality disorder. That's an incredibly inappropriate way of resolving a disagreement. You will never win an argument with him if he just ends it by telling you that you are crazy. Maybe I am misunderstanding that because you do say that you guys used to joke about it before.

I don't think your depression will go away if you break up with him or that he is the cause of it. The stress of your unhappiness in the relationship definitely contributes to the misery, but if you were feeling whole (for lack of a better word), you would probably break up with him or confront him instead of lying in bed. I am not sure if this is coming out the way I mean it --- I just mean that when we are depressed, our reaction to stressful situations is often to lie in bed, but if we weren't depressed, we might take action to change our circumstances. So it isn't the stressful situation that causes the depression, exactly. That's the way it seems to work for me, anyway.

What's stopping you from ending the relationship? Why do you question doing that?

[Maria38Divine]

Were you depressed before meeting him? Besides the relationship, are there other stressful events happening in your life now? Sometimes life's events can overwhelm us, and when we don't get the proper support, our mood starts going downhill. If the relationship is the only thing stressing you out then you need to assess whether taking a step back would help, or (since you're engaged) arrange some marriage counselling to help you both sift through your relationship and decide what's the best direction for each of you.

[dauntricastewart]

The Reason for Depression would not something different, consult a doctor or try to find out the reason for your depression instead of directly coming to the conclusion.