[onetreehill]

So here's my story...

I went to a Dr an year ago for some health problems. I was extremely attracted to him from the first visit and I could sense he liked me too. Anyway, long story short, I saw him for a few months. We started texting outside of the office and became friends. I found out he has a long term girlfriend. Anyway, about a few months ago, we started becoming closer friends. He asked me to dinner and I went...nothing physical has ever happened between us. So we go to these dinners once a month or so and there is definitely flirting going on, but it never goes beyond that. He already knows I like him and he has even said that if we had met at a different time, we would be dating. He is also 12 years older than me. Anyway, every time I hang out with him, it feels like a date. He picks me up, he pays for dinner, we go drinking, he drives me back home, I hug him and that's pretty much it. His gf does call/text while we are at dinner and he makes up some kind of lie. I feel extremely guilty when this happens. I try to justify it by saying we are just friends but the fact that he is lying to his gf, makes it seem like we are not just friends. To make it worse, his gf works at his office and she is extremely nice and we get along. It feels wrong but at the same time I want us to remain friends. I have a hard time controlling my romantic feelings for him though.

I am trying a new policy of not contacting him which I started last Friday but he texted me Saturday. I am going to Vegas for my bday and I did invite him to come (thinking that he never would)...but he texted asking what hotel and what weekend I was going. I am not sure how he is going to explain that to his gf. Of course my friend said this is a bad idea and she is going to make sure nothing happens between us if he does end up coming.

I feel like i am obsessed with this man because I am having a very difficult time not contacting him We get along well but at the same time, I know I should be looking for someone that is my age and that is available. I already talk to my ex-therapist about this who was a male. He really didn't see anything wrong with the relationship. I guess in his mind, as long as we weren't having sex, it wasn't cheating but as a female, I tend to think of it differently. I guess what I am looking for is advice on how to get over someone when you feel like you are obsessing over them?

[Jan1212]

I know that feeling. You are both looking for excitement, but he has a girlfriend, so he is off limits. He seems to be wanting more than what he already has and he might think you may be leading him to that excitement. If he is lying to get away from his girlfriend, then he isn't being honest. He shouldn't go on dates if he has a girlfriend. If he did want to be with his girlfriend, he would have broken up with her, but he still wants to be with her. This could lead to tense feelings and could ruin his relationship with his girlfriend. You should respect his relationship. If you have a hard time controlling your romantic feelings, then you shouldn't invite him I agree that there are other single men who would be honest and devote his time and there would be no guilty feelings, but this one is already taken, don't chase him

[NinaNina]

I agree with the above poster.

I think the key issue with this relationship is that he is lying to his girlfriend when he is with you. This shows that there is something wrong here.

As for getting over him, I would definitely keep up the non-communication. And as for Vegas, I would ask him not to come. If he is offended or asks why, I would be honest in saying that you think it is innappropriate because of his girlfriend. Your gut seems to already be telling you that this is wrong, so follow your gut.

Good luck!

He's cheating on his gf with you. Call it what it is. He is seeing you on the sly, lying to his gf because he know what he is doing is not acceptable. He's using you and if the tables were turned he's probably cheat on you with someone else. Cut him off completely. Don't just not return messages; tell him you can no longer communicate with him in any way. You really are just setting yourself up for a great deal of heartache. He's not calling you his girlfriend. That is important to remember; it is very telling of his motivations.

[lido78]

Delete message.

[onetreehill]

Thank you all for the advice. I know I've been kidding myself that we can still be friends and I can push away the other feelings but it's definitely not possible. It is also not fair to the gf and I feel ashamed when I see her. I will continue with the no contact policy.

[Open Eyes]

I have to agree with farmergirl here. He HAS a girlfriend and when he goes out with you he is cheating. He is being deceitful with her, and you know what? so are you.

Honestly, would you like some woman to do that to you? Well, it hurts and this girlfriend (remember you discribe her as a nice person) doesn't deserve this.

I have been in "her" shoes, only I was married and had a child and I was also NICE to a girl that worked with my husband in his restaurant. Well even though I was NICE to her and SHE NEW WE WERE MARRIED AND HAD A CHILD, she still went after my husband and they DID have sex. And my husband felt guilty and ended that "affair" but SHE STILL WANTED TO KEEP GOING AND WREAK MY LIFE!!!..

I finally found out about this a few years "after" it happened. My husband carried a lot of guilt about that event and he was actually mean to me because of HIS guilt.
I am going to be honest, I have NEVER gotten over that, and there is very deep part of me that doesn't trust my husband, even though he admitted it and made amends.

Everytime we argue, I have nightmares about him cheating on me.

I never believed in breaking up a relataionship or hiding the truth. And I would NOT respect this man because he is LIEING to his girlfriend. If he is not going to be honest with her, then he should break that relationship off. It just is not fair to this woman in my opinion. If he wants to date other women than he should tell this girlfriend so she can do the same and not put her emotions into him completely. This is something I could never do, if I knew a guy had a commitment to a girlfriend, or was married, I would not go out with him. I respect people too much for that.

Don't forget Karma.

Open Eyes