[MarTer]

Hi all,

I just registered here having the hope of getting some advise.
The situation:
My brother-in-law (BIL) is 35 years old and was diagnosed with disorganized schizophrenia (many years ago). He has been living with my parent-in-laws for the past 4 years and just moved 2 weeks ago into his own place.

As so many people suffering from schizophrenia, he is not able to keep up a permanent employment. Neither my wife and I nor his parents have the financial means to just pay for an apartment and all that stuff for him.

He currently lives right around the corner of us and his parents about 60 miles away. The good thing is that he has only a 7 day notice when he wants (or has) to leave his apartment.

Now the bad things:
He is already falling apart at his job (just started it one week ago as a sales rep for a car dealership). His room mates are -according to him- hitting on him as if he would be gay (one of his biggest fears) or terrorizing him etc pp.

We all know that it is just a matter of time until he quits this job and does not have money to pay rent. He is on SSDI but has quite some financial responsibilities (car payment and some others). A representative payee was appointed last week to manage his finances.

Initially, one might think that he could move back with his parents but his "aura" is so negative and he treats his parents with such a disrespect. We all decided he cannot move back. He cannot move to us since my wife and I are expecting our first child (yay! ) and honestly do not have space/time/energy to deal with him.

On the other hand, we do not want to excommunicate him. He is a part of our family and should be treated with dignity. He is a good person overall but his disability makes it hard to be around him for a longer period of time.

Also, my in laws are in their mid/late 60s. I want to find a solution that excludes them and is sustainable for the future.

I am relatively new to this country - I came to the US last summer and am not familiar with the opportunities around me. What can my wife and I do?

Is there anyone who can relate to this situation? And has some ideas on how to give him leads WITHOUT taking away his dignity and self-esteem?

Thanks for ANY help!

[Odee]

I don't have any advise for you, but I really have to give you my applause for being such a generous, understanding man towards your brother and law. Protecting his dignity is the best you can do for him.

I don't know how severe of mental illness your brother in law has, but has there been discussions with his parents or a therapist about keeping his job and treating his parents respectfully? IMHO, I believe that people with MI still have the responsibility to do what they are capable of. If he's capable of working a job, even if impaired, then he needs to know that's his responsibility.

Hope someone here has a better answer.

[shezbut]

Hi MarTer,

to the states and to PC! Congratulations on your soon-to-be parenthood too. Wow! Lots going on for you and your wife.

There are group homes, aimed towards helping those with disabilities. I would advise you to look into the local county programs with homes like those. Not that they should be locked up, I don't believe in that at all! However, I do believe that they need a little more structure for their safety.

Residents of these group homes can work part-time, they have their own bedroom, take their own showers, etc. But, a professional is there to see that they take their meds, talk when they need it, organize activities that residents may or may not want to participate in. That's what I'd advise for your BIL.

Look online, in your state, and surrounding county (or counties) to see what is available.

Very best wishes to you and your family!