[seashell6]

I posted this in depression, but I think I should have posted it here in communications......so sorry for the double post

A year ago, the last time I spoke to my ex husband, he yelled at me on the phone and said 'quit playing the victim'
I wasn't quite sure what he meant by this, long story short, together for 20 years, married 17, alcoholic, hospitalized many times for it, left for another woman while binge drinking and text me from her phone to end our relationship. Has put her before our children and I've been discarded like a piece of trash.
I have been estranged from our oldest son now as he left to go live with his dad bcuz his dad accepts his heavy drinking and drug use (he is 21) he just sent me a text a couple days ago with the same phrase his dad said a year ago 'quit playing the victim roll'

I'm extremely bothered by this comment......today I found this clip on a psychiatric website and wonder if I should send this to him:

there is NO SUCH THING as a person who shows signs of victimization if there hasn’t been harm or abuse. People who have not been abused (or, relatively not-abused) don’t have any psychological framework for the effect of abuse. It’d be impossible for them to act victimized (or “play the victim”). So, if someone is “playing the victim,” you can be 100% completely certain that they have a story of harm, either in their past or their present. Telling them they should not “play the victim” means you are joining their past abusers and continuing the abuse

My question is....should I send this to him? Should I say anything? I find myself wanting to plead my case, bcuz I'm not 'playing a victim roll' I am a victim!
Aren't I? Please help......
*

[Leed]

I say GO AHEAD and send it. If they are continuing to sock it to you, sure send the article. It probably won't do any good because you're dealing with alcoholics who won't accept anything reasonable. But it's worth a try.

Send it. Who knows, this might be a FIRST, and they might "get it." LOL Good luck & God bless. Hugs, Lee

Hi ((((Sea)))) i truly believe that only abusers and predators accuse someone of having a "victim mentality". THEY are the dangerous ones and they know we know that...so they use power plays and abusive language to excuse their behavior and to make themselves feel better about poor or criminal behavior.

If you feel it would be helpful for you in terms of empowerment, by all means, send it.

I had a hideous person say that to me...i knew exactly what type of person he was the moment it flew out of his mouth. These types of abusers dont like to be found out. It was the best he could do to insult me. All it did, though, was to reaffirm my suspicions that he was a very bad person.

If i ever see him again, i will have no problem calling him out on it: Predator.

Hugs,
Rose