[kismetie]

So I've known my best friend since we've been like seven. We've been friends for almost 13 years now, but about 2 years ago a rift began to show in our friendship. I'm not going to say everything that happened and that has lead up to this point is all my friends fault, it takes two, but I don't know what to do anymore.

I was a bit depressed. We had graduated and my anxiety was at a new peak because I was in a new environment and back at square one as for as making friends and being social go (she had taking a year off before college and when I told her about my anxiety she thought I was being dramatic). On top of that I was having trouble letting go of a close friend who had walked out of my life because of personal issues. Anyway, my best friend didn't go to the same high school as me and she made friends with my other friends through me. Which was great, I was glad everyone was okay with each other.But for some reason when we were all hanging out I felt so out of place when my best friend was there. She would act even more out there than usual which I was fine with (but then again I'd known her the longest) and some of the things she did made other people feel a bit uncomfortable. On top of that she seemed to like showing off our friendship and kind of boast about how close we were.

At first I didn't notice and then I did but didn't mind, but then it got kind of old. I brought it up once and she claimed she didn't know what I was talking about and she said "You know I'm always like that." Well, anyway this continued on and I steadily grew a bit annoyed with it so we took a break for a month. For almost 6 months everything was cool then I found out a lot of my friends didn't like her because they said she was pushy and kind of all knowing. I was shocked and asked them why didn't they say something sooner and they thought I'd just defend her. So our group of friends kind of fall apart but my best friend didn't seem to mind and said she just tolerated them.

This once again was news to me. Why wouldn't she just tell me? I don't want to force someone to hangout if they don't want to. Anyway, so as I said before I had a hard time getting over this friend who walked out of my life. I was venting to my best friend about him because she said I could and then she gave me some advice and when I said I wouldn't do that (she made a mock scenario) she got super defensive and accused me of not taking her seriously and walking over her. I tried to calm her down but it didn't work and we didn't talk for two days.

During those two days. I was pondering why she'd react that way and maybe I had unintentional said something to hurt her feelings that she hasn't told me about. So I decided to confront her about her feelings and our relationship because it had been rough for a while now. But when I asked her about her feelings when it came to our friendship she backed out and said she couldn't do this right now and she couldn't tell me how she felt because she didn't want to.

This is the third time I've tried to work out the problems in our friendship and this is the third time she has totally backed out. I feel like I'm the only one putting effort in now. And every time in the past when I confronted her she'd suggest we'd take a break and every time we started talking again I was the first one to start it.

I don't know what to do. She's the only one I'm really close to without her idk what to do.

[Leed]

There are people who just cannot take confrontation. When you kind of "back them into a corner" they retreat -- they feel trapped, and so they run for the hills.

Why not wait until she comes to you and tells you how she feels. As far as the advice she gave you about the other friend, and you not wanting to do it - and then she gets all huffy cause you asked her and then didn't take her advice. Why ask her about her "feelings?" They were obvious, weren't they? She was annoyed that you ask her advice, and then don't take it --- do you do that often? It doesn't matter anyway.

Some people just don't like to be asked about their "feelings" all of a sudden. It's like being caught in an animal trap -- you can't get out! You aren't prepared to talk about it. You may not even KNOW how you feel at the moment. So it isn't really fair or shall I say "socially acceptable?" to ask someone out of the blue what their feelings are. They have no idea! Especially if it's right after a confrontation!!

So in the future, let HER tell you how she feels. I'm sure she will when she feels more comfortable about it. But don't keep hounding her about it or she never will open up to you.

I hope you two can get back on track. A friend is a special thing, and it would be tragic to lose this friendship over something so simple, especially since you two have been friends for so long. God bless and please take care. Big hugs, Lee

[kismetie]

I wish it was that simple.

I didn't ask for advice. I was just venting on how I missed this old guy friend. I asked her if it was okay, but not for her advice. I've asked for her advice before, but her giving me a scenario of how she think things would play off between me and my old friend isn't really advice in the first place (I shouldn't have called it that), so when she said I'd definitely react one way all I was doing was correcting her.

I don't always ask her, her feelings often and this was the first time it was after a big confrontation, the other two times the confrontation lead afterwards. Besides she asks me my feelings all the time. I don't see how I can't do the same.

[kismetie]

maybe I'm just looking for reasons and I have to face the fact they I've just grown apart from her

[tina_123]

I'm having pretty much the same problems as you. Friends who I thought for years were close friends have simply fallen out of my life. One of them reacted the same way as your friend when I confronted them pretty much blaming me for not putting an effort in the relationship and saying I was over reacting about the situation (I hadn't seen or heard from her in months after continuously reaching out). I'm coming to the conclusion that some people are just selfish and not worth it. In the past when I have reconnected with friends I realize why I hadn't been talking to them. Maybe you are just building this person up in your mind and they are really not worth the effort or worry. I KNOW it hurts to have long friendships like this fall apart, I'm going through the same thing