[tina_123]

I'm not even sure if this is the right thread to be posting this in. However, here's my problem. I have zero friends. I am not a social outcast, relatively attractive, funny, talkative I enjoy social activities. I do have some slight social anxiety and sometimes am hesitant to talk to new people, engage in small talk, think people are scrutinizing me.. I have gone through several cycles of friendships in my life with none of them really "sticking around". I do try to re-engage with old friends through social media etc. and not much happens and when it does I feel unsatisfied like that is why I haven't been talking to that person..oh right! Or people I actually want to reconnect with never have the time or make an effort in our friendship. Is humanity this sad and uninterested in friendships? I am at a point where I need to get out of the house and hang out with people my own age again. I live with my boyfriend and he is aware of my issues, but he is also quiet and doesn't have many friends either. Literally all we do is go out to a movie occasionally. I am still young and I feel like an old person. My question is am I crazy, do I repel people so strongly that they never want to talk to me again? Am I so boring that I never make an impression? Any help would be awesome.

[anjelmarie]

I'm sorry your going through this. I don't really have an answer because i'm feeling the same as you. I wonder if i'm pushing people away. I think i am. Try to go back and remember conversations you had and what you said or if you return phone calls and messages on time, are you late when you meet with friends. All things that I have a bad habit of doing and probably because i'm a negative nellie and depressing. I realize why people stay away from me but it still hurts that they don't see the pain i'm in and at least try to understand me. If you can't think of anything then call someone up and just ask them? Couldn't hurt, just tell them you really want to know if you are doing something unconciously to push people away. Hopefully someone will be honest. Maybe its just them. That could also be. Anyway good luck to you.

[Jannaku]

Hi there. So sad to hear that you haven't managed to find any "friends" in your life as such. Good friends - you know the true, honest, sincere friends are very, very hard to find. I have had plenty of friends in my time as well and alot of them are here one minute gone the next. Some people are just outright users that befriend you for some selfish reason only to discard you when it suits; sometimes circumstances change which prevents them from socialising e.g. having a baby; getting married, etc.; sometimes although people claim to be great friends they simply are so caught up in their own world that they have no time for you. Once in a while however you'll meet someone that you "click" with and want to remain friends with and the feeling will be mutual. Even then you'll need to put in a bit of effort by ringing them frequently, remembering birthdays, inviting them out or over to your home, etc. They should reciprocate by doing the same (this does not always happen). I have a great girlfriend who is more like a sister that I have known for over 20 years. She and I get together often and although we are both married we often just have time with the two of us so we can have girly talk but we also all go out and socialise as a group of a 4. So number 1. If you think there is someone you'd like to be friends with be proactive in starting and maintaining the friendship. 2. Communicate often either by phone or sms or facebook or whatever. 3. Initiate meeting up. 4. If it is a girlfriend - have time out just with her and leave the boyfriend at home. That way you can bond better and develop a closer relationship.
Also have you thought of joining a group - either a voluntary group or club or something which will give you the opportunity to meet new people and forge new friendships. Basically I don't believe it's you as there are alot of selfish people out there but be patient, be proactive and eventually you will find the right person(s). Good luck and remember that a true friend is hard to find.

[tina_123]

Originally Posted by anjelmarie

I'm sorry your going through this. I don't really have an answer because i'm feeling the same as you. I wonder if i'm pushing people away. I think i am. Try to go back and remember conversations you had and what you said or if you return phone calls and messages on time, are you late when you meet with friends. All things that I have a bad habit of doing and probably because i'm a negative nellie and depressing. I realize why people stay away from me but it still hurts that they don't see the pain i'm in and at least try to understand me. If you can't think of anything then call someone up and just ask them? Couldn't hurt, just tell them you really want to know if you are doing something unconciously to push people away. Hopefully someone will be honest. Maybe its just them. That could also be. Anyway good luck to you.

I have asked my boyfriend if I am a horrible person etc..and he honestly said no, but he does love me (LOL). I just feel it unfair that I am the one that has to put in ALL the effort in each friendship. Its not fair and I have a hard time believing that all people are that selfish.