[LostMom3]

The man that I have been with for 3 years and was with for 6 months 14 years ago Has some ideas about relationships that I am finding strange. First, he says he has never cheated. Even when both of his ex wives cheated and accused him of cheating. A year ago now, we started having problems. My sister and her daughter were living with us. I was taking my meds like I was supposed to right down to the very minute. He started telling me he did not like my meds making me so doped up. Then he started being very aggressive sexually. I even had flash backs to when I was raped by an ex. When I had one of those flashbacks, I had a panic attack. I was crying and gasping for air. I was hysterical. All he said was he did not know if we could stay together. And that he knew he could not be faithful to me. My 17 year old niece started going to work with us(he is a truck driver) and she was always with us. She would talk about her sex adventures and ask questions about what things were right or weong in a sexually active relationship. She told us of being drunk and having a train run on her.(Gang Banged) She described what her private area looks like shaved. So, no wonder he tells me he is attracted to my niece. I told my sister he said that and she let niece go with him on his local delivery one night without me. I was asleep when they left due to migraine. He says nothing happened, but after that night, he was touchy feely with her and she would kiss him on cheed and sit in his lap or follow him into other rooms. Well, they moved out and things seemed okay for a little but. Then, he started telling me I was fat and needed to lose weight, I was almost 30 pounds overweight, but did not feel fat. He would dlirt with cashiers and waitresses that were small like I was when I met him 14 yrs ago. He even asked a few if they wanted to go home with us. He always said he was playing. I found where he had someone in the truckwith him one night when I did not go with him. Told me her name. We go to the store where she works all the time. I can tell by the way they talk to each other, something happened. He denies it, but says he thinks about having sex with other women and it is because he has always been cheated on. Now he says that he feels it is alright if the man has sex outside the relationship as long as he does not leave evidence that could hurt the one he "lloves" or soes not bring back an STD. We have argued over this so much it is getting old.
I know everyone is going to say leave him. Well, nice thought, but I have no where to go and no money of my own yet. I was just approved for SSI and have not even recieved the approval letter. I am in a constant state of turmoil.
Then I have the issues with my sons and prison. One coming out and the other probably going in soon. My ex mother-in-law dying with cancer and I am schizoaffective with depression and anxiety to befgin with. So, my mind creates little scenes to torture me on a nighly basis.
I would like to hurt myself to relieve the pressure. But my sons will notice. I can't commit suicide, my youngest son has no one else. I have no family besides my sister and I can't live wth her. I am stuck in this situation and can find no way out that wont hurt somebody.

[BlueInanna]

aww Lostmom, this sounds like a nightmare. yes you need to get out. if you can't do it now, start planning, check with county services about shared living with other women.

the whole thing is totally dysfunctional. sounds pretty obvious that he had sex with your niece, and he should probably be charged with it. i don't want to set you off, just saying what looks like to me. and sounds like he is having sex with other women, whatever the reason it doesn't really matter. if you want a committed relationship, you deserve that.

i think it's clear he's fooling around, and he's hinting at coming clean about it, so he admits to smaller things. he probably won't ever really admit what he's done, especially the illegal nature of the niece, who should've had him watching out for her, not having sex with her.

i'm so sorry you're going through this. last thing you need with all the stress with the kids already. but you must start planning to get out. maybe you would be single for awhile, but you deserve to find a man as strong and caring as you!!!!

be as strong as you can, please don't hurt yourself, you are very loved. pm me if you want. xoxo

[shezbut]

(((LostMom3)))

I am so sorry. It sounds like a horrible situation to be in ~ one that you DO need to get out of for your own physical and mental health.

I'd certainly advise you to contact your county's Social Services department for help asap. The social workers are very good and kind. They do have YOUR best interests in mind when coming up with options for you to choose from.

While the thought of ending your life may feel awfully tempting at times, try to remember the good times. Getting out of this current bad situation will bring a lot more good times back into your life again, making your life more manageable. Please don't forget that people truly love you and they want you to be happier. You do deserve better!