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#1
May 23, 2006, 07:41 PM
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My husband had an accident at work recently, industrial accident that resulted in partial amputation... he is having a very hard time with it. Not into any therapy at the moment, having trouble finding the right therapist to deal with his issues as we are located in a very small, rural area. It is causing great stress on our marriage - the "D" word has came up too many times. He doesn't feel I should be married to a mutant & I honestly feel he is trying to just push me away. Someone please give advice!
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"Just call me.....Little Bit" |
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#2
May 23, 2006, 07:45 PM
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hi littlebit. I can honestly tell you I know how hard it is to deal with a hubby with ptsd. mine was from vietnam but still the same in some ways. let him know you still love him for who he is....support him and listen when he needs to talk
get yourself some therapy also! good luck hon
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He who angers you controls you! |
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#3
May 23, 2006, 07:49 PM
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thank you Elaine.... we are looking into a therapist for him.
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"Just call me.....Little Bit" |
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#4
May 23, 2006, 07:54 PM
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((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))
Per my Husband.... Your man is probably feeling like a failure and not worth the dirt he walks up on, for he is no longer capable of caring for & financially supporting his family (a male thing in his mind). He is falling into a bottomless pit due to the despair that is now growing inside of him and he does not want his loved ones to suffered this degrading demise with him.... hence WHY he is doing the only thing he can, as a male, Push those that he cares for away, as to protect them and to hide them from his humiliation (if only in his mind). LoVe, Rhapsody - 
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#5
May 23, 2006, 07:56 PM
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Your Husband basically quoted what my husband has been saying...verbatim... now, how to deal with it is my question. I love him dearly, but as he is also my best friend & confidaunt, he knows how to cut to the bone w/ some comments. I know it's not "him" talking, it's his ptsd, but it still hurts.
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"Just call me.....Little Bit" |
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#6
May 23, 2006, 08:10 PM
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Please keep in mind that men are basically defined by their JOB (or) the ability to perform the work/job - so this is going to take some time for his healing to start.... for this is a deep emotionally issue for him - it touches his CORE being of who he is as a male.
I would suggest that you start with UNCONDITIONAL RESPECT of him at all times, even when he is being unlovable.... he needs support & love beyond all things right now (AND) well, Men feel loved when they are RESPECTED. LoVe, Rhapsody - P.S. - and don't forget the SEX.... men need sex to feel whole as a man and as a husband - his way bonding and being safe when all around him is going wrong. |
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#7
May 23, 2006, 08:15 PM
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Hi littlebit. In my case it was I who had the industrial accident, and my spouse who left me because he couldn't deal with my disability.
The sooner you find someone to help talk things through, the easier it will be to work through the PTSD. Who DX'd him with PTSD? That would be where I would ask for a referral to someone who is expert. But don't wait to talk and talk and talk it out.... the sooner the more, the better. Maybe you can tell him what everyone hears after any big change in life: don't make any big decisions for at least a year! That includes, moving, divorcing, having children, etc etc etc. That might help put the idea off. He's going to need some weird support from you...consistency for one. Please do find a T asap, even if you have to drive to get it... go together. TC I'm sorry for the accident. If he will at least read here, in the PTSD forum, I'm sure he will find a lot of good information. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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#8
May 23, 2006, 08:17 PM
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BTW - here are two very AWESOME website's (and books) that I feel will help you better understand your husband.... they literally help save my 20 year marriage and our love for each other.
LINK: http://4-womenonly.com/home.aspx LINK: http://loveandrespect.com/ LoVe, Rhapsody - ****************************************** AND ............................................................................. 
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#9
May 23, 2006, 08:27 PM
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Thank you all for the support & words of advice. One thought to add, what makes this a tough situation is that my husband lost his younger brother to an industrial accident in January (19th) and my husband was injured on Feb 4th. While he is grateful he did not die as a result of his injury, he is burdened that he did not and his younger brother did. This has addedto his anxiety, that and the fact he is very "GQ" and this disfigurment makes him feel like a 'mutant' or so he calls himself. He was injured on the railroad & we live in a small railroad town. He is 'famous' due to this injury. The talk of the town for quite a while. We have corporate lawyers & investigators aroound every corner. Hard to trust anyone, including doctors/therapists. The drive to find a good therapist will be 5 hrs each way... but YES, well worth it in the end.
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"Just call me.....Little Bit" |
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#10
May 23, 2006, 08:31 PM
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Your husband is with a doubt dealing with a lot right now.... Hang in there with HIM and the two of you will come out of this in time - I PROMISE!!
YOU have my ((((((( PRAYERS))))))) and my open ears at all times....... LoVe, Rhapsody - 
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#11
May 23, 2006, 08:31 PM
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Trust is a huge issue with PTSD. The feeling of why me and then why not me (instead of brother) are so very common, also!!!
The sooner the better for any therapy...honest... PTSD caused brain chemical changes... and will cause continual erroneous thinking and misplacing of new memories...etc... what about the rehab doctors and nurses? Do they have any training for helping those with such a life changing injury? He needs to find a support group too... with other men who have had similar injuries... even if "only" online! TC
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#12
May 23, 2006, 08:50 PM
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On another note, I would like to be in the chat/forum tonight w/ Doc John (?) how & where & when... I am in central time zone
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"Just call me.....Little Bit" |
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#13
May 23, 2006, 08:52 PM
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I think it is at 9 PM my time.... which is about in 9 minutes, I am on the East side.
LoVe, Rhapsody -
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#14
May 23, 2006, 08:55 PM
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time for central is 8pm and you can look at the top of the page to see the chat button
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He who angers you controls you! |
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