[ashly23]

hey yall. I need advice because my parents suck at giving advice.
I know I am an adult and 23 years old , but when it comes to relationships and love , I really suck at knowing what I want. Heres the story. I used to date this guy for almost 9 months, we were so in love and he definitely still has my heart, but we stayed friends after we broke up, anyways long story short, I met a guy a couple months ago through mutual friends, and I knew he had a thing for me, and I thought it was fun to flirt with him and stuff, but I never thought about actually being his girlfriend, till he asked me one night, I had to think about it, because hes different then the type of guy I usually get with. But I told him yes, so we have been together for almost 2 months now, and hes amazing, he treats me really great, and we fell in love, so things have been great with him. But before I knew that I even loved him, I had sent a text to my ex, about wanting to try again or if he still loved me, just to see how he felt, because I wasn't over him still, but then I didn't get a response back, so I figured its time to move on, and I really have been focusing on this new relationship, and its been great, then all of a sudden out of the blue, I get a text from my ex tonight, and he apparently did respond to my text that I had sent a month or so ago, and he pretty much said he wanted to try again and that I could be the one for him, I am just really confused. Is this a test? I dont know what to do. because if I didn't have any feelings for my ex still then why would I care so much or be confused? I dont want to hurt anyone in this situation, but I dont know what to do. Any helpful advice would be great???

[Leed]

It seems to me that since you entered into this 2nd relationship, and you really care for him that you should stay in it -- to leave him now just because your ex jumps back into the picture doesn''t seem kosher. But if your feelings have all of a sudden changed, then I don't think you know HOW you feel about either one of them, and you shouldn't be in a relationship at all.

Seems to me like you need a break from both of them -- and time to think things out. If I were you I'd back off from #2 and ask #1 to give me some time to think things over.

Best of luck and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[ashly23]

thank you.

[NinaNina]

Why did you and your ex break up?

I think that you may enjoy the new bf but I don't know if I get how you can be "in love" with him if you've also said the first one has your heart still. If he still has your heart, to me that says he's the one you're truly in love with and the 2nd one has been a rebound more than anything, someone to fill the gap, even if you didn't make the choice consciously. I don't know about other people but it would be hard for me to have real romantic love for more than one person.

Recognize that you can be attracted to someone and even enjoy being with them but not be in love. It can be fun to have a new gf or bf to be with but the infatuation that comes with a new relationship isn't real love. Love takes time and I don't know if 7 months is long enough for that to be the case let alone 2 months. But the more likely case is, since even after you got attached to this 2nd guy, you still show feelings for your first one so it's more likely that it's stronger with him.

I can understand you were single again and wanted to be with someone but I don't think you were ready to if you weren't over your other bf. It's not fair to the new bf if you still care for the old bf that way becuse the new bf will never have your 100% til you are over and done with the other one.

I would never suggest to anyone based on what little you've said which one you should be with, and I agree that taking a break from both would be a good idea. Take your time with choosing and take your time in the relationship with whomever you choose. I hope this goes well for you, I'm sure it's confusing and difficult. My heart goes out to you
*hugs*