[Raindropvampire]

If someone says "I meant it when I said it but...." and comes up with an excuse for breaking their promise. Is that lying? Especially when it happens almost every time they make a promise??

[Odee]

Promises are promises for a reason. It may not have been a lie when they made the promise, but they still broke it.

[LadyShadow]

I can bend on this one, if they meant to do it, with all intention and couldnt make it or go through with it then no. I find myself breaking promises to my own self all the time. I will get out of bed, I will exercise today. But if they constantly do it then thats a different story

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

I can bend on this one, if they meant to do it, with all intention and couldnt make it or go through with it then no. I find myself breaking promises to my own self all the time. I will get out of bed, I will exercise today. But if they constantly do it then thats a different story

I disagree. You shouldn't make a promise to someone unless you can be certain you'll be able to keep it.

Originally Posted by Mr. Venomous

I disagree. You shouldn't make a promise to someone unless you can be certain you'll be able to keep it.

I agree with PlatinumHeart. There are no certainties.
In this case tho since Raindropvampire says it's a pattern of behavior then I'd look at it a bit differently.
Arguing whether it is a lie seems useless because at that point you know not to take it seriously. I'm not sure I can see any benefit in calling them lies unless you're keeping score.

Originally Posted by Raindropvampire

If someone says "I meant it when I said it but...." and comes up with an excuse for breaking their promise. Is that lying? Especially when it happens almost every time they make a promise??

((((RDV)))) The main thing that stands out for me is that someone is breaking promises to you. A promise is a promise. However, even if it's not a promise, but a commitment or a plan, if a pattern is developing or has developed where someone is breaking their word, then I think it's a larger problem in that you cannot count on or trust that person.

And if someone excused their behavior at all, ever, with the reply, "I meant it at the time, but...", they would not be in my life to begin with. There is something about that statement that is very disheartening and mildly disturbing to me.

Originally Posted by George H.

I agree with PlatinumHeart. There are no certainties.
In this case tho since Raindropvampire says it's a pattern of behavior then I'd look at it a bit differently.
Arguing whether it is a lie seems useless because at that point you know not to take it seriously. I'm not sure I can see any benefit in calling them lies unless you're keeping score.

I disagree. You might not be able to eliminate all uncertainties, but with careful planning, I absolutely think that you can eliminate enough of them to be considered certain, and if you can’t do this, then don’t promise them. Frankly, I make very few promises, but when I do I will keep them even if it kills me.

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by Mr. Venomous

I disagree. You might not be able to eliminate all uncertainties, but with careful planning, I absolutely think that you can eliminate enough of them to be considered certain, and if you can’t do this, then don’t promise them. Frankly, I make very few promises, but when I do I will keep them even if it kills me.

I disagree too, sometimes stuff happens. Like I promised my boss without certainty that I would have this report done for work last week. A hurricane AND a snowstorm came preventing me from completing it yet. THAT wasnt my fault at all, I had every intention of keeping my promise to him

[KathyM]

I agree. There is no benefit in calling the person a liar. From my own experience, it would simply tell me the person is not someone I would be able to trust or turn to in a time of need. It would be a person I would prefer to NOT have in my life because it makes even simple conversation difficult to believe. If the person had to be in my life, I would not allow them to be too close.

What I love most about my husband is his ability to keep his promises with me - but he never makes a promise he cannot keep. I'm the same way with him. As a result, we trust each other. There have been times when promises had to be broken, but they were trivial, and I fully understand the circumstances.

My ex-husband broke every promise he ever made to me, followed with an elaborate excuse on why the promise could not be kept. It was an exhausting way to live, and it wore on my spirit, threatened my balance, and caused me to question myself. We fought a LOT, but there was nothing I could say or do to make him keep his promise to me. I'm very thankful he's out of my life.

Good luck

[Leed]

But like was said -- if a pattern of making excuses is developing, then there is definitely something wrong. All these "excuses" can't be true. Not ALL of them.

[Irine]

Originally Posted by Raindropvampire

[COLOR=Especially when it happens almost every time they make a promise??[/COLOR]

If it really happens a lot it may be...

Originally Posted by Raindropvampire

If someone says "I meant it when I said it but...." and comes up with an excuse for breaking their promise. Is that lying? Especially when it happens almost every time they make a promise??

i'd tend to say yes on this one.

No it's a lie only if the promise was made without the intention of keeping it. Sure it's a broken promise and still a bad thing, I'm not minimizing it but a lie is intentionally saying or doing something to deceive. I think it's comparing two different actions, both being negative, of course.

Originally Posted by Mr. Venomous

I disagree. You shouldn't make a promise to someone unless you can be certain you'll be able to keep it.

I don't think anything in this life is so certain that we can know without a doubt that every promise we make we're able to keep. I definitely don't want to be the first one to cast a stone at anyone for this one. Say I promise to be at a certain place at a certain time but then someone rams my car and I don't make it. Did I really lie? NO. I had every intention and commited to keeping that promise but sometimes things outside ourselves can keep us from keeping a promise. By that thought, I'd never make a promise because nothing is 100% certain.

Originally Posted by George H.

I agree with PlatinumHeart. There are no certainties.
In this case tho since Raindropvampire says it's a pattern of behavior then I'd look at it a bit differently.
Arguing whether it is a lie seems useless because at that point you know not to take it seriously. I'm not sure I can see any benefit in calling them lies unless you're keeping score.

See this all comes down to the promise itself and the intentions. If it is a pattern of behavior the person themselves probably are making promises they dont' plan to keep or don't really take them seriously. I think it's really dependent on that. Case by case basis. Can't really say yes, they broke it... they lied. Gotta ask why it was broken and whether they tried to keep that promise or even intended to.

[Raindropvampire]

I asked because this is a bone of contention in my marriage. My husband gets mad at me because I almost never will promise something. Instead I say "I will try my best or barring any unfortunate circumstances out of my control I will take care of/ do X." He can't even say he's going to go to bed without saying I promise. Everything is a promise and he's kept maybe 4 in the 5 years we've been together. He gets mad at me because I don't trust/believe him anymore and he says I don't care enough about him to even make a promise to him. IF you say it then do it. That's just my opinion. But if I think that there's even a remote chance that I will not be able to follow through I won't promise. If I promise then even if it meant certain death I'd do it. I realize that's probably crazy to most people but I got so tired of lies when I was growing up....lies and broken promises. Same thing to me

Thank you to all that took the time to vote and reply.